This weekend was filled with catching up, but also getting to know Glasgow a bit more. Saturday was laundry while watching the six channels of television on the communal bigscreen in the basement. Two things I have learned about british telly. 1. Their reality shows are just as tacky as ours. 2. The american tv that they actually get, does not speak well of our country. (case in point. Bridezillas, the X Factor, Smallville, and Frasier.) These are the legacies we leave behind, people.
Following that, I read 60 pages of Stanislavsky, a play called "Pool (No Water)", and the greek "Theban Plays". Then cleaned room. Such tediousness. But this allowed me to have a beautiful Sunday where I discovered the West End area. Now, I say discovered but rather it was an aimless wander of doom. I told Katem (girl from my program) that I'd meet her at this "bookclub" in about 45min. I thought, oh please, i'm from nyc, I can walk this shiz in no time. ...an hour and fifteen minutes later... But I will say it was a fantastic way to see Glasgow. (See fb photos). I walked over a highway, through the dodgy sort of town, through Kevingrove Park (absolutely lovely), through residential areas (insert text to Katem where I begged her to give me directions here), past vintage shops, privately owned restaurants with names like "Naked Soup", and huge cathedrals (Found the only presbyterian church i've seen so far). Now, the west end is a place that has a smaller community feel. Gone are the Starbucks and T-Mobiles. Here, you have fruits and veggies that are grown at home. It has a wonderful tempo, this side of town.
As I finally made it to the Hillhead Bookclub, Katem was sitting outside. This place is like my dream hangout. You walk in and there are twinkly lights all over the ceiling. It's old and dark inside (it used to be a cinema) with etched ceilings and moldings. There are chandeliers but also lots of colors. Mismatched old chairs and settees, beat up velour chaise/sofas. Dark wooded bar fully stocked. It was like walking into an updated 1920's bootlegger speakeasy. Great music. And here's where it gets good. They have board games you can play, a corner where there's a ping pong table, a corner where you can play old school video games, wonderful (cheap) food and coffee. If you order tea, they bring you your own teapot with cup and saucer. If you just want water, they bring out a carafe with mint and strawberries in the water. They let you sit for hours without bothering you. It is truly my new favorite place. Apparently it also turns into a bit of a nice hotspot at nights. Oh so worth going to. Joanna (from Dublin) also dropped by and the three of us sat with no agenda or timetable.
On the walk home, Katem showed me the glory that is LupePintos. This is the store/mecca that sells american odds and ends like Pumpkin pie mix, stove top stuffing, marshmallow fluff, hershey's choc syrup, and (drum roll please) JIFFY PEANUT BUTTER. I'm tearing up right now thinking of it. These are things you cannot get here in Scotland. I know it sounds silly but trust me, the minute you can no longer have something, is the exact minute you begin to crave it. I find most things in life are like that.
Today was back to work. Our Voice Technique class began again. Instead of butt jiggling though, we flipped over to the otherside. Then moved on to more vocal work of intoning and listening as other's got their one-on-one's with Ros. There were a couple of instances where I was truly moved or got chills by the work of others. Two girls in particular, have very light musical voices. When they found their power in the lower register, it was shocking. All of us at one point had leaned over with our mouths dropped open, gaping at the change.
The last class was from 6pm-9pm. And it was the frustrating one again about stanislavsky. I will say the professors were slightly more on the same page this time. They at least had a conversation about the class prior. There was still far too much talking. Explaining things is fine, but over talking can be damaging. It can take a simple task and complicate it. It also doesn't help that we are a bunch of highly educated people who are used to trying to look for deeper meaning in something. But sometimes, the answer is the most obvious. "Why did you eat that apple?" Well, I could say it's because the color red has a psychological pull to the human brain. Or that my mother fed me gala apples and it's a fond memory of summers making apple cider. I could say all kinds of prolific things like that. But the truth is, "Why did you eat that apple?" Well...because I was hungry.
We did do one fascinating exercise though. I don't even know how to explain it properly. You have a partner. You stand facing each other about 20ft away from each other. You cannot speak to them, you focus only on them, looking straight into their eyes. The objective is to walk towards each other, meet, and embrace (hug). But you can only move towards each other on instinct. You stand, look at them, and move ONLY when you feel you want to move. You take that person in, see if they give you permission, and enter their personal space. It's very hard not to just move because you feel like nothing's happening or not happening fast enough. And with people staring at you, you have to fight any self awareness or consciousness. It is about that person with you. It is what they are giving you, and what you take. You go from Thought, to Feeling, to Action.
Look at them. Do they look welcoming? (thought) Will they accept your advance? (thought)
Yes. They will. How do I feel about that? (Feeling). I feel good. I want to advance.
You take a step forward (action).
But something in their eyes changes. They take a step back.
Did I do something wrong? (thought) ....breathe. stay still. focus. Look into their eyes. What are they saying? (thought)
and so on.
And it's funny. My partner SW, whom I didn't know very well, we had a moment where he backed up when I advanced. And it literally hurt my feelings. Like a slap in the face. Because in the exercise, you are required to open yourself up. To become vulnerable which is enhanced so much more when you look straight into another person's eyes. This exercise lasts about fifteen minutes (sometimes you never even make it to the embrace.) When is the last time you looked at someone straight on for even a minute let alone a quarter of an hour?
At the end, SW and I were but two steps from each other. There was a definite connection and yet both of us hovered. We later both found out that he wanted to hug me and I wanted to hug him. What stopped us? He mentioned he was unsure whether I would just end up turning into a praying mantis and taking a piece of him. And I was afraid he'd step away from me again. We both were on the verge of completing our objective but fear of rejection stopped us. We were just not couragious enough. Which is sad and yet somehow beautiful.
The exercise ended with everyone "thanking" their partner by giving each other the hug they may not have received. Now, friends, as I have said before, I'm not a touchy person in general. Not because I don't want to be, but more that I think perhaps that fear of rejection is tattooed in my brain. But this hug with SW was like a completion. It was an experience we both had, and it was the most natural thing to finish it.
In order to move audiences as well as ourselves, we must open up to vulnerabilities. We must show ourselves, but not JUST show. We must put it out there into other people's hands and allow them to either accept or reject what we give them. It isn't as trite as giving someone a penny or a pat on the arm. It is offering up who you are, your very heart, and saying "do with it what you will". It is trusting a stranger to not step back from you. But most of all, it is being strong enough to do it again and again, even IF they step back. Knowing full well that you will survive rejection. It stings. But then you must open up again. Because it is in those moments of pure openness that we find human life. That we can create the human spirit of a character.
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