In case you wanted to put some faces to my descriptions of the people in my programme, here is a side project created by RM and LF that was filmed this past week. A mockumentary of what we go through in our programme. Enjoy friends. And if I don't write again till the new year...Happy Christmas!
We begin the new term with a month in LONDON! at Shakespeare's Globe Theatre. Oh the stories to come...
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fvimeo.com%2F33804961&h=fAQFlgIkH
Thinking of you x
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Just to Clarify...I'm Awesome. But It Doesn't Matter. Right.
Saturday's day trip to Edinburgh was exactly what I needed. Being outside in the chilly air with lots of distractions helped both the pains in my chest and the chronic disappointment of Friday's news. Edinburgh is a gothic city that's magical under the dusting of snow. They have a german and scottish xmas market that sells handmade crafts, xmas stuff, bratwurst and fried cheese, and tons of mulled wine and spirits. We bought touristy scottish stuff, found the BEST vintage shop I've ever seen where I forced myself not to buy a 20GBP mink handmuff, and ate lunch at an american diner. Before you balk, I might also add that I ate a scottish breakfast there that included blood sausage and haggis, so you can forgive me for the american cliche. Afterwards we went to the ChocolateSoup cafe where Angie ordered me a shot of chocolate. As you can see from the photo it's basically an orgasm in a cup. Literally chocolate soup. And oh. so. good.
Sunday was spent quietly in my room resting and finding perspective. More of the former than the latter.
And today was the day of productive uselessness. Meaning I ran a billion errands only to find that most I didn't need to do in the first place. I received a phone call a long time ago about needing to get tax exempt but that my address was not in their system so I needed to make my way to their offices. I went there today to find that the council tax office is basically our version of the DMV. Wait for your number to be called, get hit on by strange man in beanie, etc. When my number was finally called the lady behind the desk told me that I didn't need to come in at all because since I live in student housing, the building itself is already exempt which is why it's not in the system. Thank you lady. Thanks oodles.
Second I found my bus stop that i'll need to go to the airport. After walking a bit in circles I discovered that it's about four blocks from my flat. Awesome.
Then I went to the bank (cue ominous music), oh yes, the bloody bank again. Got my questions answered with very little trouble but wishing they'dve answered the question weeks ago when I first asked it.
THEN I went to try to buy tickets to the Sleeping Beauty Ballet for next saturday only to find that the box office for that theatre is actually at a theatre a ways down the road. whuh? Forget it, I'll eat the booking fee and order online.
Now today all I was scheduled for was a meeting at 2pm and then a Chekhov tutorial at 745 tonight. I got to school early, played some piano and wandered downstairs with my Sweet Potato and oregano soup. Found M.Saunders in the hall where he said, oh the meeting has been moved till tomorrow. I think he felt bad that I'd come all the way in to school (and I wasn't going to tell him I had been around anyway) and so he bumped my tutorial which is scheduled for tomorrow and instead sat me down then and there to talk about my progress with the term.
I thought to myself, "Self. Here it comes. Clarification and critique. I am ready." ...well. I sort of got clarification. And got nowhere near critique. Apparently I am doing above and beyond well. Allow me to break it down for you.
He found my One Night in Iran performance "strong, direct, focused. Believable. I really listened to my partner. I show wonderful growth. And am performing exactly as the programme dictates."
Me: Great. ...uh. No complaints? Criticism? Qualms?
Mark: Nope.
Me:...ok. Well perhaps my audition was not very good, Mark?
Mark: Well, let me check my notes on it... Ah yes. I wrote, "great choice in piece. Great grasp on language. Very strong. perhaps a bit fast but was very clear and concise. great command. And there was a light in her eyes."
Me:...ok. That's it?
Mark: Aye.
Me:...Right.
Mark: And your first term paper was very good. About where it should be. very positive. next time put in a few more sources.
Me: ok...um. So, I'm on track then.
Mark: Oh yes. You always show exemplary work.
Me: ...
Mark: Ok. Well that's about it, then.
Me: Wait. I have a question.
Mark: Absolutely.
Me: Normally I would NEVER ask this but since we are in an educational setting I feel it may be alright. Since there are no complaints about how I've been showing and since you wrote in the casting for the renaissance that there are to be great challenges for each of us regardless of part...may I ask how you'd like to see me challenged in the role of midwife?
Mark: (this is me paraphrasing) Well, there technically is no midwife in the show so I don't really know what it will be. but it goes along with the director's theme that he'd like to deal with "birth and death". And you will be playing a few of the smaller roles. So your challenge will be to create more than one full character and life. To be able to switch from each and mold yourself into different people.
Me: Uh-huh. Ok. Then may I ask you a demographic question? Perhaps I am casting myself in incorrect or unrealistic ways. If it isn't my talent or attitude that prevents me from getting any leads, is it an external reason? Would I be more castable if, for instance, I were half my size? (knowing full well that regardless of what his answer would be, I wouldnt intentionally change a damn thing about myself. but I wanted to know if in his opinion I was shooting for the moon here).
He sat for a minute, head tilted, eyes to the ceiling, thinking. Finally he said,
Mark: Is this your normal size?
Me: Yes.
Mark: You need to stay exactly as you are.
...ok. He didn't really answer the question now, did he? the slippery little...
But it was a good answer. And he's absolutely right. I am enough as I am.
So. To sum up the meeting. I am awesome. I have talent. I am enough. ...but I wasn't what they were looking for for certain parts. ...ok. I feel a little better in that I now know that I didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't for the lack of trying or any shortcoming beyond my control. It was just the way the cookie crumbles. Right. Ok. Do I like it? No. But can I now accept it and move on? Absolutely.
Will I be the best midwife you've ever seen? You're damn right.
...I wonder if I can work in the line "But Miss Duchess! I don't know nuthin' bout deliverin' no baybees!!" (Gone With the Wind reference for those of you who are special). Or better yet, maybe I can set up a way to cannon the babies out of her like using those air cannons that they shoot t-shirts out of at baseball games and then catch them with a baseball glove...
See people? I'm already full of ideas. :)
Thinking of you x
Saturday, December 10, 2011
The Way the Cookie Crumbles.
Ok. So it wasn't the greatest of days...I cringe a bit to tell you about it. I promised I'd be honest. And sometimes, honest isn't always pretty. And the trick is how to be honest without sounding like an ass...let's see if I can manage it.
Fred Astaire had his first screen test and this is what was said about him:
"Can't act. Can't sing. Balding. Can dance a little."
And look how far he got.
I remind myself of this everytime I feel like I've made a mistake by trying to be an actor. I remind myself of this because, as I've said before, this business is not fair. Sometimes your best isn't enough. Or sometimes, no matter what you give, it isn't what they're looking for.
The cast list for our renaissance piece went up. A project we will be working six weeks on in the late winter and the only large classical thing we do. I came here mostly to work on classics. And...well...let's just say the casting didn't go as I had hoped for myself. And I'm struggling to think of Astaire.
It's sad to think that one silly show can make you reevaluate whatever course you are on. It's weak to let the decision of two directors make you lose even an inkling of faith in yourself. But it happens.
I have been doing well. I have been working hard. I have done my best to be as generous as possible. And, my friends, today it was not enough. It was not what they wanted. And despite my best efforts, I cannot help but ask why.
However, thinking how I could have done better will only poison whatever good I've had here. And there has been a LOT of good. I am a good actor. Not despite my defects and flaws both internally and externally, but for them in tandem with my strengths. I will allow myself the disappointment, but then I will move the eff on. Because for whatever reason, these are the cards I'm meant to play. And therefore I will play the best damn hand you've ever seen. I will be happy and proud of the rest of my cohort. I AM happy for them, incredibly so. And I will support them. I will let this go. Because I refuse to be one of those actors that whines and bitches about where she Thinks she should be. And who knows? Maybe this role will turn into the best I've ever done. It could happen. The first show I ever did I stole the show...and I was passed out for most of it.
But I find I was a bit blind sided this time. So for tonight, I'm going to be disappointed.
I think what I dread the most is the pity, for lack of a better word. Somehow it makes it worse. But I know very well it comes from love and genuine concern.
In other news, and oh yes the day just wasn't one of my best, I had probably the largest panic attack yet. This morning was fine but we had another voice session that concentrates on deep breathing. Well...my body didn't like that much. By end of class I was hiding tears and had the worst chest pain throughout the day. I'm thinking it's time to see someone about it. Sigh.
I ended the week of classes with the brilliant Rona Munro though. This process of working with her and director PB and group has been truly wonderful. Despite whatever ailments I've been annoyingly going through, I have felt creative and inspired and had many laughs. So thank you: LM, AK, SM, AL, NB, KT.
And that pretty much concludes Term 1 of grad school. Next week is just a few tutorials and meetings and that's it. Hopefully I'll rest up and play a bit and enjoy the chill in the air. It may sound like a bit of a low note to end on, but truly this has been one of the best experiences of my life. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.
Thinking of you x
Fred Astaire had his first screen test and this is what was said about him:
"Can't act. Can't sing. Balding. Can dance a little."
And look how far he got.
I remind myself of this everytime I feel like I've made a mistake by trying to be an actor. I remind myself of this because, as I've said before, this business is not fair. Sometimes your best isn't enough. Or sometimes, no matter what you give, it isn't what they're looking for.
The cast list for our renaissance piece went up. A project we will be working six weeks on in the late winter and the only large classical thing we do. I came here mostly to work on classics. And...well...let's just say the casting didn't go as I had hoped for myself. And I'm struggling to think of Astaire.
It's sad to think that one silly show can make you reevaluate whatever course you are on. It's weak to let the decision of two directors make you lose even an inkling of faith in yourself. But it happens.
I have been doing well. I have been working hard. I have done my best to be as generous as possible. And, my friends, today it was not enough. It was not what they wanted. And despite my best efforts, I cannot help but ask why.
However, thinking how I could have done better will only poison whatever good I've had here. And there has been a LOT of good. I am a good actor. Not despite my defects and flaws both internally and externally, but for them in tandem with my strengths. I will allow myself the disappointment, but then I will move the eff on. Because for whatever reason, these are the cards I'm meant to play. And therefore I will play the best damn hand you've ever seen. I will be happy and proud of the rest of my cohort. I AM happy for them, incredibly so. And I will support them. I will let this go. Because I refuse to be one of those actors that whines and bitches about where she Thinks she should be. And who knows? Maybe this role will turn into the best I've ever done. It could happen. The first show I ever did I stole the show...and I was passed out for most of it.
But I find I was a bit blind sided this time. So for tonight, I'm going to be disappointed.
I think what I dread the most is the pity, for lack of a better word. Somehow it makes it worse. But I know very well it comes from love and genuine concern.
In other news, and oh yes the day just wasn't one of my best, I had probably the largest panic attack yet. This morning was fine but we had another voice session that concentrates on deep breathing. Well...my body didn't like that much. By end of class I was hiding tears and had the worst chest pain throughout the day. I'm thinking it's time to see someone about it. Sigh.
I ended the week of classes with the brilliant Rona Munro though. This process of working with her and director PB and group has been truly wonderful. Despite whatever ailments I've been annoyingly going through, I have felt creative and inspired and had many laughs. So thank you: LM, AK, SM, AL, NB, KT.
And that pretty much concludes Term 1 of grad school. Next week is just a few tutorials and meetings and that's it. Hopefully I'll rest up and play a bit and enjoy the chill in the air. It may sound like a bit of a low note to end on, but truly this has been one of the best experiences of my life. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.
Thinking of you x
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
The Little Mermaid Collects Disability
The fairy tales continue in rehearsals. We spend each day bringing in new myths and old stories our parents used to read us when we were little and then we improvise a 21st century version. I have to say, it's been a helluva lot of fun. The group I'm in becomes increasingly comedic and we've laughed most of time. The idea from Rona is that she wants to integrate a little magic or put a spin on a fairy tale but have that magic be completely accepted by all those in the play.
For example: In the Little Mermaid (not the disney, but like the real one told by Hans Christian Andersen) she falls in love with the prince but he marries someone else and she dies and becomes foam upon the waves. And while she was human, everytime she walked, it would feel like she were walking on knives.
In our version, the prince does leave her for someone else, but she goes on living. However, she can't get work because of her leg pain so she goes to the D.S.S office to try to collect disability. We improvved a scene between her and the insurance agent. It was both hilarious and heart breaking to watch her try to show proof that she was once a mermaid. The comedy came from the fact that it wasn't the proof that mermaids exist that was needed but that she needed to prove that she was one. She begged the worker to ask her anything, to quiz her about the ocean, to have her name any lobster or crab. And the worker told her to fill out forms and make another appt. It was scarily realistic in that all you had to do was substitute all mermaid words for real ailments and it would have played exactly the same.
We did the same exercise with Orpheus and Euridice. But instead of Orpheus going down to the underworld to bring back his wife Euridice, we had him trying to bail her out of jail. Same goes for snow white, cinderella, the 12 dancing princesses, beauty and the beast, the six swans, etc.
So entertaining and Rona has been delightful to work with. She'd let us improv for hours if PB would let her. She genuinely loves to play and she loves getting to know us. It's reassuring that whatever writing comes from her will be personal and just for us.
On a more troublesome note, I had cut out caffeine since last friday and had stopped taking whatever sleeping pills I had to try to cut the panic attacks and thought it had begun to work. This morning started out well with a dance class that was hysterical. But then about noon I started to get that now familiar pressure in my chest. By the programme meeting at 1pm I felt like my heart was going to implode, and by 2pm at end of lunch I almost began to hyperventilate. Scared me for a minute. But I got it undercontrol with a bit of help from LM. I find that with a bit of pressure to the slight left and right of my spine and it eases off. It was still a bit tight for a few hours after that and even now I can still feel it. But it's better. (Mom, I can hear you worrying from here. Really it's no biggy. I'll rest when I'm home for xmas and I'm sure it'll pass.) It's just annoying because, as I said, I'm not stressed. I'm happy. So there's really no reason for this nonesense.
Random fact to brighten the mood. Once in a while I'll hear AK in my group say, "oh no, I can't read that I don't have my glasses." which she rarely wears. I asked her today if it bothers her and she said, "oh I like it. Everyone is so beautiful because I see everyone in soft focus." Only AK. Love. Her.
That's about it for the past two days. It's the last week of actual work (next week is just a formality with tutorials). Then a few days to hang out in Glasgow and just play. Then the long ass flight to Seattle. Sigh. For once I wish I could slow time.
Thinking of you.
x
For example: In the Little Mermaid (not the disney, but like the real one told by Hans Christian Andersen) she falls in love with the prince but he marries someone else and she dies and becomes foam upon the waves. And while she was human, everytime she walked, it would feel like she were walking on knives.
In our version, the prince does leave her for someone else, but she goes on living. However, she can't get work because of her leg pain so she goes to the D.S.S office to try to collect disability. We improvved a scene between her and the insurance agent. It was both hilarious and heart breaking to watch her try to show proof that she was once a mermaid. The comedy came from the fact that it wasn't the proof that mermaids exist that was needed but that she needed to prove that she was one. She begged the worker to ask her anything, to quiz her about the ocean, to have her name any lobster or crab. And the worker told her to fill out forms and make another appt. It was scarily realistic in that all you had to do was substitute all mermaid words for real ailments and it would have played exactly the same.
We did the same exercise with Orpheus and Euridice. But instead of Orpheus going down to the underworld to bring back his wife Euridice, we had him trying to bail her out of jail. Same goes for snow white, cinderella, the 12 dancing princesses, beauty and the beast, the six swans, etc.
So entertaining and Rona has been delightful to work with. She'd let us improv for hours if PB would let her. She genuinely loves to play and she loves getting to know us. It's reassuring that whatever writing comes from her will be personal and just for us.
On a more troublesome note, I had cut out caffeine since last friday and had stopped taking whatever sleeping pills I had to try to cut the panic attacks and thought it had begun to work. This morning started out well with a dance class that was hysterical. But then about noon I started to get that now familiar pressure in my chest. By the programme meeting at 1pm I felt like my heart was going to implode, and by 2pm at end of lunch I almost began to hyperventilate. Scared me for a minute. But I got it undercontrol with a bit of help from LM. I find that with a bit of pressure to the slight left and right of my spine and it eases off. It was still a bit tight for a few hours after that and even now I can still feel it. But it's better. (Mom, I can hear you worrying from here. Really it's no biggy. I'll rest when I'm home for xmas and I'm sure it'll pass.) It's just annoying because, as I said, I'm not stressed. I'm happy. So there's really no reason for this nonesense.
Random fact to brighten the mood. Once in a while I'll hear AK in my group say, "oh no, I can't read that I don't have my glasses." which she rarely wears. I asked her today if it bothers her and she said, "oh I like it. Everyone is so beautiful because I see everyone in soft focus." Only AK. Love. Her.
That's about it for the past two days. It's the last week of actual work (next week is just a formality with tutorials). Then a few days to hang out in Glasgow and just play. Then the long ass flight to Seattle. Sigh. For once I wish I could slow time.
Thinking of you.
x
Monday, December 5, 2011
the Snow, the Uncomfortable, and the Minotaur.
The weekend was quiet. At times boring. And I slept about thirty of the 72 hours. So I'm good. I finished my term paper on Friday and found myself twiddling my thumbs for the first time in months.
Monday brought a new cycle of classes as well as our first snowfall. I love snow...when I'm indoors or when I have proper footwear. I guess the dream of holding off on the galoshes until I get back to the States is not going to happen. It was like ice skating through slush trying to get to class. And we all know how well I have been getting along with Glasgow's streets (see mountain goat blog for details). But it's beautiful here. And feels more like home. Which I'm trying to avoid since I can't stay. I keep telling myself (and it's probably true) that the feeling of home that I feel is because I am happy doing what I love with like minded individuals. I am happy if I'm surrounded by theatre and film. That, I am positive of now. The feeling of contentment does not come from a perfect day because trust me there is plenty of frustration and emotional turmoil here. But the big picture is feeling useful, capable, and creative. It's growing from the Uncomfortable and the Scary.
Class started with our final yoga session with Rosina. I wish this lady taught us every day. Although there was a particular position that she bent me into that I'm not sure any human body should be able to do. It resembled a soft pretzel that you smashed into a ball. ...ouchy.
Then we trudged our way off campus to the UK studios for our first session with Rona Munro. This week is the Development stage of the process. It will involve a lot of Rona getting to know us as well as tons of improvisation. Sigh. Alas, I am getting better at it but my stomach still lurches at the thought. Surprisingly though, Rona was absolutely lovely. We did some play games that were something a little elementary but because of that, we could do it without thought or fear. We played "witches, giants, and gnomes" which is kind of like group tag. And played a listening game where we told a partner a scary experience we had then after two minutes had to tell their story to the class. We then shared with each other one object that defines us, one environment that scares us, and one childhood memory. For instance, my object was my silver cross that I take with me everywhere that helps me with stage fright, my scary environment would be to be buried alive, and my childhood memory was building our tree house on the bluff. We then mix up everyone's answers and select three that aren't ours and create a character from them.
Example: PB is afraid of hospitals. AK's object is a stuffed bunny rabbit. SM's childhood memory is when she gouged her foot on the beach once.
I then take those answers and created my character: Lauren (Lo) Scougall. She's 12. She's in the hospital because she broke her arm rollerskating and is nervous because her parents are in the waiting room and her mom forgot to bring her comfort toy- a stuffed bunny named "bunnytugs." She has an older brother who's 14 but he's a turd. The only other time she'd been in hospitals was when she cut her foot open on a seashell at the beach and it bled everywhere. Her favorite color is purple. Her dad works in computers and her mom is the secretary at her school. etc.
And it goes on and on. All these extra answers come out when Rona puts your character (you) in a chair and plays HOT SPOT. Basically, people fire questions at you about who you are and how you got to where you are. And on impulse you start answering whatever they shoot at you. I find that I took most of my answers from either my real life or from people I know. A lie, or in this case, a building of character is always more believable when based half in truth. Ten minutes later, you have your new role.
It was a nice way to jump start the imagination. And we had some serious laughs. At one point, LM created a werewolf hunter who was after killing his father (who was a werewolf) because he bit his sister. You know...realistic stuff like that. :) But Rona lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvves the magick. She loves to put all kinds of mystical things in. I made a joke when I first found that she was our writer that I just know I'm going to have to flit around like a fairy or centaur at some point...well, today she mentioned Minotaurs. Centaurs, minotaurs...close enough. Can't wait to see where this one goes. I feel like it will never be a dull moment. Which I kind of like. I find, for the most part, that the people in my group are up for anything. I love that most of them have this amazing gift of Play. And they'll hold on to an exercise and stick with it as long as the writer and director ask. That takes stamina and a beautiful sense of "why not? eff it!"
As for outside life (not that there is much of one), I'm still doing very well. I did have my first pangs of loneliness today. Don't know what for, but I acknowledge it's there. But I am still very fulfilled and happy.
Home in two weeks...whoa.
Monday brought a new cycle of classes as well as our first snowfall. I love snow...when I'm indoors or when I have proper footwear. I guess the dream of holding off on the galoshes until I get back to the States is not going to happen. It was like ice skating through slush trying to get to class. And we all know how well I have been getting along with Glasgow's streets (see mountain goat blog for details). But it's beautiful here. And feels more like home. Which I'm trying to avoid since I can't stay. I keep telling myself (and it's probably true) that the feeling of home that I feel is because I am happy doing what I love with like minded individuals. I am happy if I'm surrounded by theatre and film. That, I am positive of now. The feeling of contentment does not come from a perfect day because trust me there is plenty of frustration and emotional turmoil here. But the big picture is feeling useful, capable, and creative. It's growing from the Uncomfortable and the Scary.
Class started with our final yoga session with Rosina. I wish this lady taught us every day. Although there was a particular position that she bent me into that I'm not sure any human body should be able to do. It resembled a soft pretzel that you smashed into a ball. ...ouchy.
Then we trudged our way off campus to the UK studios for our first session with Rona Munro. This week is the Development stage of the process. It will involve a lot of Rona getting to know us as well as tons of improvisation. Sigh. Alas, I am getting better at it but my stomach still lurches at the thought. Surprisingly though, Rona was absolutely lovely. We did some play games that were something a little elementary but because of that, we could do it without thought or fear. We played "witches, giants, and gnomes" which is kind of like group tag. And played a listening game where we told a partner a scary experience we had then after two minutes had to tell their story to the class. We then shared with each other one object that defines us, one environment that scares us, and one childhood memory. For instance, my object was my silver cross that I take with me everywhere that helps me with stage fright, my scary environment would be to be buried alive, and my childhood memory was building our tree house on the bluff. We then mix up everyone's answers and select three that aren't ours and create a character from them.
Example: PB is afraid of hospitals. AK's object is a stuffed bunny rabbit. SM's childhood memory is when she gouged her foot on the beach once.
I then take those answers and created my character: Lauren (Lo) Scougall. She's 12. She's in the hospital because she broke her arm rollerskating and is nervous because her parents are in the waiting room and her mom forgot to bring her comfort toy- a stuffed bunny named "bunnytugs." She has an older brother who's 14 but he's a turd. The only other time she'd been in hospitals was when she cut her foot open on a seashell at the beach and it bled everywhere. Her favorite color is purple. Her dad works in computers and her mom is the secretary at her school. etc.
And it goes on and on. All these extra answers come out when Rona puts your character (you) in a chair and plays HOT SPOT. Basically, people fire questions at you about who you are and how you got to where you are. And on impulse you start answering whatever they shoot at you. I find that I took most of my answers from either my real life or from people I know. A lie, or in this case, a building of character is always more believable when based half in truth. Ten minutes later, you have your new role.
It was a nice way to jump start the imagination. And we had some serious laughs. At one point, LM created a werewolf hunter who was after killing his father (who was a werewolf) because he bit his sister. You know...realistic stuff like that. :) But Rona lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvves the magick. She loves to put all kinds of mystical things in. I made a joke when I first found that she was our writer that I just know I'm going to have to flit around like a fairy or centaur at some point...well, today she mentioned Minotaurs. Centaurs, minotaurs...close enough. Can't wait to see where this one goes. I feel like it will never be a dull moment. Which I kind of like. I find, for the most part, that the people in my group are up for anything. I love that most of them have this amazing gift of Play. And they'll hold on to an exercise and stick with it as long as the writer and director ask. That takes stamina and a beautiful sense of "why not? eff it!"
As for outside life (not that there is much of one), I'm still doing very well. I did have my first pangs of loneliness today. Don't know what for, but I acknowledge it's there. But I am still very fulfilled and happy.
Home in two weeks...whoa.
Friday, December 2, 2011
I Feel Like I Should Be Drinking or Something.
After a week like this, I feel like I should be drinking or something. In celebration, in exhaustion, for fun, because it's Friday or because I finished my term paper. Any and all these reasons will do. But perhaps peace and quiet will do more good.
The performance went well today. All around. I have to say I was really impressed with all of us. It came together well and I hope everyone realises how great they were.
For me, personally, I can't complain. I got through it and was happy with almost everything I did. (With the exception of flubbing the one line I told myself not to flub. Always happens. Meh.) But I never called for line, I invested in my scene partner KT, and I walked out of the room feeling good. Couldn't ask for more in this instance.
The directors then went to their little room to fight over us for the actual project that tours next end of summer/fall. The rest of us went for a rather large beer and sustenance. The unwinding was well needed and afterwards I wandered through a shop or two to get some xmas ideas.
On Glaswegian Radio, two young girls were singing "O Holy Night" outside on Sauchiehall Street.
I got home to an email waiting with the cast list. My writer is Rona Munro. She has written for tv/film/theatre (including some at the Royal Shakespeare Company). She often puts a bit of magic in whatever she writes so I'll be excited to see what she comes up with for us.
My director is PB. I couldn't be more thrilled. I know I'll feel safe and confident with him.
And my group is going to be solid. There are seven of us. Four girls, three guys. Among the girls are AK and SM (see previous "thankful" blog) so you know I'm definitely spoiled already. The other girl (AL) is beyond awesome as well and has the most evil infectious laugh, awesome dance moves, a sick sense of humor, and the brightest wardrobe I've ever seen. She's guaranteed to have us all laughing constantly (will give her a better description once I get to know her better). It's going to be good.
I wish I could write more but I'm completely wiped. More details and intros of friends to come. This weekend I hope to shove in a movie, maybe start term paper #2 (unlikely) and possibly tea and shopping. ...or i'll just hibernate in my room and attempt to sleep a full 48 hours. Either way, happy happy times.
x
The performance went well today. All around. I have to say I was really impressed with all of us. It came together well and I hope everyone realises how great they were.
For me, personally, I can't complain. I got through it and was happy with almost everything I did. (With the exception of flubbing the one line I told myself not to flub. Always happens. Meh.) But I never called for line, I invested in my scene partner KT, and I walked out of the room feeling good. Couldn't ask for more in this instance.
The directors then went to their little room to fight over us for the actual project that tours next end of summer/fall. The rest of us went for a rather large beer and sustenance. The unwinding was well needed and afterwards I wandered through a shop or two to get some xmas ideas.
On Glaswegian Radio, two young girls were singing "O Holy Night" outside on Sauchiehall Street.
I got home to an email waiting with the cast list. My writer is Rona Munro. She has written for tv/film/theatre (including some at the Royal Shakespeare Company). She often puts a bit of magic in whatever she writes so I'll be excited to see what she comes up with for us.
My director is PB. I couldn't be more thrilled. I know I'll feel safe and confident with him.
And my group is going to be solid. There are seven of us. Four girls, three guys. Among the girls are AK and SM (see previous "thankful" blog) so you know I'm definitely spoiled already. The other girl (AL) is beyond awesome as well and has the most evil infectious laugh, awesome dance moves, a sick sense of humor, and the brightest wardrobe I've ever seen. She's guaranteed to have us all laughing constantly (will give her a better description once I get to know her better). It's going to be good.
I wish I could write more but I'm completely wiped. More details and intros of friends to come. This weekend I hope to shove in a movie, maybe start term paper #2 (unlikely) and possibly tea and shopping. ...or i'll just hibernate in my room and attempt to sleep a full 48 hours. Either way, happy happy times.
x
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Graceful Like a Mountain Goat.
So twice I have battled the streets of Glasgow and lost. The first time, I was walking with a bunch of friends to the train station and my heel got caught in the crack in the sidewalk. Smack. On all fours on wet pavement. The second time was coming out of rehearsal on one of the stormiest days I've seen here. The steps were slick, polished marble. Who makes marble steps in a place that rains more than Seattle, I don't know. But I hope that guy gets boils on his butt. Because there I was, exhausted from rehearsal...step, step, SPLAT! On all fours once again. Graceful, I am. Like a mountain goat. I hate wet streaks all up my new pair of jeans. But whatever. I shall conquer you, you mean streets. You shall see. Just wait till I invest in some good wellies (golashes), and we'll see who gets the last laugh. I've also managed to thwack the top of my foot on the corner of the closet in my room. My legs are now battle zones.
It's been almost a week since I've written. Mostly because I've been too mentally exhausted to bother. Saturday was brilliant in that we saw a free lecture about Panto theatre and it was headed up by Alan Cumming. I. LOVE. Alan Cumming. And he was as charming and lovely as I remembered. He performed along with some other really incredible Scottish actors and though I only understood about 60% of what they said, that 60% was very funny.
Afterwards we fought the wind and rain to get to LF's house for our late thanksgiving. It was absolutely lovely. (See fb photos for pics). SO much food and so much laughs. I did a few chinese grama impressions, the pumpkin bars were a hit, and we picked names for secret santa. About 25-30 people mulled around for hours and we introduced the non-americans to the glory of overeating.
As for this week, I started to go to morning warm up again- thanks to our director's request. I am very glad I have. I'm starting to feel a bit better physically. We barely see the sun now. It's dark by four and we've all been feeling a bit lethargic from the lack of vitamin D. The warm ups have also been helping a little with some anxiety I've been having. I don't quite understand it. I'm not overly stressed, I love what I'm doing, even when I'm bitching I'm still happy (oddly enough). But I get these moments where I can't breath and my heart feels like it's being squeezed. I've lost quite a bit of sleep lately because right before I go to bed is when it's the worst. So weird.
Rehearsals themselves have been quite good. It's been weird working the entire week on a script that has only two people in it. For the first three days, all I really saw were my scene partner KT and the director PB. Not that I'm complaining. We've worked in a way that is very much the style I prefer. On your feet, discover as you go, stop when there's questions and repeat. PB is great in that I feel like he has an opinion and knows how to articulate it, but he also wants us to think for ourselves. I think he knows that in order for us to be good, we must connect the dots in our heads to justify our actions. I sometimes have to catch myself from being too opinionated though. Must always remember, director is in charge.
I've missed the rest of the group though. It's been so odd not having lunches with them in the cafe and not knowing what is going on in each other's lives.
On Monday, however, I did go to the Playwright's studio's Stage-to-Page night. One of our cohort, RM, submitted a piece of his work that he wrote and it was being workshopped. Now I've voiced my opinion enough on how disappointed I was in how that workshop was run so I won't bother getting riled up again.
But I will tell you a little about RM.
RM is a talented young actor/writer. He understands comedy, subtlety, and metaphor. And I'll be happy if I get to be apart of anything he produces in the future.
That being said, he has this awesome podcast (shameless plug) that he posts on Sundays. On Wednesday I had the pleasure of recording a monologue for him for the next installment. He's always got something going on in that head of his. He's got great taste in music, can find the funniest stuff on youtube, and best yet, he has the silveriest (not a word, but I made it into one) voice. In the first few weeks when we did our intro to voice class and he recited some shakespearean text at full voice...yeah...all the girls in the class melted. Like, literally. I'll admit I don't know him very well yet. We never seem to be put in the same groupings. But from what I gather he's very smart, a little shy, and yet not afraid to harmlessly flirt with anyone. When we went to Loch Lomond together with MM, he had such an appreciation for beauty and a sweet curiosity that made the day easy and relaxed. And there was one day when I felt the absolute worst about myself, and he managed to put it all in perspective with a simple email. What was pear-shaped turned right again because of his honesty.
I enjoy watching his acting, as well; it's that subtelty again. If you watch him closely, he'll break your heart. Even while he makes you laugh. I hope I get to work with him more.
Back to the project and script we've been working on. Tomorrow is another performance day. I'll admit I'm more nervous for this one than I've been for any of the others. It's not about the content anymore. Somewhere along the week I became completely comfortable with that. Now it's the lines. I've always had high standards for myself. Even when someone says "oh, no. Don't worry about it too much." or "Just call line." I never want to. Because I know it takes everyone and myself out of it for a moment. There's just something so great about being able to REALLY know a scene and drive it. I'm not as confident with this one. And I want badly for the writers and the directors (including the ones from the renaissance auditions who will be watching) to see what I can do. And that's dangerous. The minute you start worrying about anything other than your scene partner, you're effed. I think that's the toughest thing I've ever had to learn and still fight. It's so easy to go in there and think about your lines, your blocking, your appearance, what everyone else thinks. But that's just selfish and worthless. It's not about me. It's about KT in this instance. It's about what I give him and what he gives me. Give. Receive. Action. Reaction. I find that as long as I focus on that, I will be generous. And I will get the job done.
Wish me luck. Or if nothing else, pray that I am generous, so that I can walk back out of that room knowing that I did my best.
Alright. To bed.
Thinking of you. x
P.s. HOW CAN IT BE DECEMBER ALREADY??????
It's been almost a week since I've written. Mostly because I've been too mentally exhausted to bother. Saturday was brilliant in that we saw a free lecture about Panto theatre and it was headed up by Alan Cumming. I. LOVE. Alan Cumming. And he was as charming and lovely as I remembered. He performed along with some other really incredible Scottish actors and though I only understood about 60% of what they said, that 60% was very funny.
Afterwards we fought the wind and rain to get to LF's house for our late thanksgiving. It was absolutely lovely. (See fb photos for pics). SO much food and so much laughs. I did a few chinese grama impressions, the pumpkin bars were a hit, and we picked names for secret santa. About 25-30 people mulled around for hours and we introduced the non-americans to the glory of overeating.
As for this week, I started to go to morning warm up again- thanks to our director's request. I am very glad I have. I'm starting to feel a bit better physically. We barely see the sun now. It's dark by four and we've all been feeling a bit lethargic from the lack of vitamin D. The warm ups have also been helping a little with some anxiety I've been having. I don't quite understand it. I'm not overly stressed, I love what I'm doing, even when I'm bitching I'm still happy (oddly enough). But I get these moments where I can't breath and my heart feels like it's being squeezed. I've lost quite a bit of sleep lately because right before I go to bed is when it's the worst. So weird.
Rehearsals themselves have been quite good. It's been weird working the entire week on a script that has only two people in it. For the first three days, all I really saw were my scene partner KT and the director PB. Not that I'm complaining. We've worked in a way that is very much the style I prefer. On your feet, discover as you go, stop when there's questions and repeat. PB is great in that I feel like he has an opinion and knows how to articulate it, but he also wants us to think for ourselves. I think he knows that in order for us to be good, we must connect the dots in our heads to justify our actions. I sometimes have to catch myself from being too opinionated though. Must always remember, director is in charge.
I've missed the rest of the group though. It's been so odd not having lunches with them in the cafe and not knowing what is going on in each other's lives.
On Monday, however, I did go to the Playwright's studio's Stage-to-Page night. One of our cohort, RM, submitted a piece of his work that he wrote and it was being workshopped. Now I've voiced my opinion enough on how disappointed I was in how that workshop was run so I won't bother getting riled up again.
But I will tell you a little about RM.
RM is a talented young actor/writer. He understands comedy, subtlety, and metaphor. And I'll be happy if I get to be apart of anything he produces in the future.
That being said, he has this awesome podcast (shameless plug) that he posts on Sundays. On Wednesday I had the pleasure of recording a monologue for him for the next installment. He's always got something going on in that head of his. He's got great taste in music, can find the funniest stuff on youtube, and best yet, he has the silveriest (not a word, but I made it into one) voice. In the first few weeks when we did our intro to voice class and he recited some shakespearean text at full voice...yeah...all the girls in the class melted. Like, literally. I'll admit I don't know him very well yet. We never seem to be put in the same groupings. But from what I gather he's very smart, a little shy, and yet not afraid to harmlessly flirt with anyone. When we went to Loch Lomond together with MM, he had such an appreciation for beauty and a sweet curiosity that made the day easy and relaxed. And there was one day when I felt the absolute worst about myself, and he managed to put it all in perspective with a simple email. What was pear-shaped turned right again because of his honesty.
I enjoy watching his acting, as well; it's that subtelty again. If you watch him closely, he'll break your heart. Even while he makes you laugh. I hope I get to work with him more.
Back to the project and script we've been working on. Tomorrow is another performance day. I'll admit I'm more nervous for this one than I've been for any of the others. It's not about the content anymore. Somewhere along the week I became completely comfortable with that. Now it's the lines. I've always had high standards for myself. Even when someone says "oh, no. Don't worry about it too much." or "Just call line." I never want to. Because I know it takes everyone and myself out of it for a moment. There's just something so great about being able to REALLY know a scene and drive it. I'm not as confident with this one. And I want badly for the writers and the directors (including the ones from the renaissance auditions who will be watching) to see what I can do. And that's dangerous. The minute you start worrying about anything other than your scene partner, you're effed. I think that's the toughest thing I've ever had to learn and still fight. It's so easy to go in there and think about your lines, your blocking, your appearance, what everyone else thinks. But that's just selfish and worthless. It's not about me. It's about KT in this instance. It's about what I give him and what he gives me. Give. Receive. Action. Reaction. I find that as long as I focus on that, I will be generous. And I will get the job done.
Wish me luck. Or if nothing else, pray that I am generous, so that I can walk back out of that room knowing that I did my best.
Alright. To bed.
Thinking of you. x
P.s. HOW CAN IT BE DECEMBER ALREADY??????
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