Well, my face is healed and the bruises have now become like a rainbow of sickly colors. And I'm feeling good. Been back to the gym, sleeping better, and caught myself smiling while walking to the grocery store today.
Thursday was the normal warm up that included four square and a sort of dodgeball. I hadn't realized how much I've missed serving a volleyball until that morning. May have frightened a few of our more delicate people in the group, but it felt good to really smack the crap out of something. I've never been one for sports. Or at least I never excelled at any. I am a master at half-assing. I have tried every sport or instrument or hobby known to man. So I can fake most things or be quite mediocre but still participate at most things. But volleyball...that was one of those things that I was pretty good at. Too short to really block or spike, but my serve could decapitate an opponent. Anyway.
The day's work was not a good one for me. I felt lost as to who I was playing, what I was supposed to be doing, and whether to pipe up and fade back. I hate being lost. We did a complete run through of the show on its feet (mind you this was our third real day of rehearsal and we had only read through the play once). The purpose was for the set designer to get ideas of spacing and plot, but also for us to stumble through the big amoeba-like mess to find where we were going to have issues or questions.
We worked on a few Viewpoints exercises after that. And then I became incredibly frustrated when we, as a group, attempted to identify the main "events" or "actions" of the play. It took us a couple hours to get through act I. Each of us speaking our own language. example:
Me: I think we should call this event, "Cardinal denies Bosola his reward."
Director: Well...that sounds like a shit movie. How about "Cardinal refuses Bosola his reward."
Right. sooooooooooooo much better. I gained better perspective though after talking to KS. I realized that I've been averaging one crap day out of like 30. That's pretty damn good. Especially considering that I used to wish for one good day out of 30 days of crap. So I'd say I've been quite spoiled, I need to allow the crap day to happen, not fight it, and be damn grateful for the life I have right now. And I am.
Thursday night was supposed to be fencing. I could lie and say I was too sore...but really I was too lazy. I mean, yes. Maybe it would be a bad idea to go and get more bruises. But really I just wanted to go to the pub with some friends, have a beer and share a rather large chocolate sundae. So I did. I have thus spent the last two days and will spend the next two days at the gym as compromise. That sundae was so worth it.
Friday was a much better day. Warm up, four square, dodgeball. Followed by more identification of events. But this time we were split in two and given only 15minutes per act. This forced us to shut the heck up and make decisions. And though we may have missed some things and it was a bit sloppy, it was so much better to get things done.
One thing I've noticed from this experience is that I've got more pride than Mufasa. And it's going to get in the way. It hasn't really been an issue up till now. But I'm working with a part that is ambiguous and with a director who likes to feel his way instead of make definitive immediate choices. I need to trust him. And expect to get a few metaphorical bruises in the meantime. Because this way of working is a group mentality, it's creative, and if I let it, it's going to be challenging and fun.
The sort of part I have is a supporting role. Which means I need to support. Not lead. We did an exercise where the leader puts her arm out and the follower has to keep her face about a foot from the leader's hand at all times. As the leaders moves the hand around, the follower tilts, moves, slides, crouches, but always keeps that footlong distance. We focused on the positions that felt the least comfortable. Some of us felt more at ease as leaders, some as followers. I now had to follow. I don't mind following. But it isn't something that comes easy. It requires trust and a relaxation that you won't really mind where you end up in the end. And it's not that I always WANT to lead. In fact, I wish I didn't have that urge so often. I'm just used to it. I think it comes from being alone for so long and making my own decisions for the past ten years. If you are used to going A-B-C and then someone suddenly tells you to go C-B-A...oh whatever. I just need more practice following. And to just shut up and listen to someone else for longer than two seconds. So. What I mean to say is, this project is going to be good for me. Because I'm going to have to follow, often blindly, a director who has a plan but not a map. He has full faith that he'll find the answers...but he doesn't know how he's going to get them. Not how I work. But it's how I'm going to learn. My pride gets nicked when I feel belittled, useless, or unwanted. I feel none of these things right now. But I have to watch myself that I don't forget that it is my job to engage, play, cooperate, and (believe it or not) get things wrong.
So, Mufasa? Shut it.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
I hit him in the tray with my face.
When I look in the mirror these past few days, I keep thinking of that Julia Roberts movie "America's Sweethearts" where John Cusack gets knocked out by Hank Azaria with a waiters tray. When asked what happened he says, "...so I hit him in the tray with my face."
This past weekend I got remarkably ill. Sicker than I've been in a very long time. It began as just a cold and ended up with me fainting at 430am in the morning on my way to get a glass of water. Let me point out that I'm perfectly fine now. Well, with the exception of the fact that my face has carpet burn and I've a few rather large bruises elsewhere. But the cold is gone and nothing is wrong that can't be fixed with a bit of neosporin and time. But it scared me a bit. It reminded me that no, living alone for the rest of my life is indeed NOT a good idea. I am thankful my dad was up and online so I had someone to talk to right after which made all the difference in the world. But I sure could've used a cuddle as well. I used to have fainting spells whenever I had acute pain from something. I had once fallen downstairs and had torn my large toenail off and ended up fainting four or five times from that. And there was that one time I got my belly button pierced in high school...oy, bad decisions all around. But I hadnt done so in years. Can't say I've missed it. But anyway, my face at the time looked like I got into a fight with someone. I am convinced that if this were the case, the other person would be in much worse condition. But in this instance, the carpet and doorframe (that caught my shoulder) totally won. two points immobile furniture. stacy, zero.
Which led me to missing my first day of school all year. Luckily I have very understanding classmates and directors who filled me in and made sure I missed nothing. So I spent the day sleeping for 45 minutes, then staying awake for 2hours writing my term paper, then sleeping for 45 minutes, and repeat. Although now that I think of it, perhaps writing a term paper while disoriented may not be the best idea. ...Either that or it could be the best idea ever. I'll wait to see my grade and let you know.
By Tuesday the splitting headache and most of my cold had gone away and I joined the land of the living. Rehearsals for Duchess of Malfi have now begun. Our director, Pete Collins, likes to start out the sessions with a game of foursquare. No, like really. Yes, the same foursquare we used to play on the playground during recess in elementary school. I think I like this Pete Collins.
Then we did a read through of our cut of the scripte. I am playing, as of now, the midwife, a servant, and the doctor of an insane asylum. This should be good. I look forward to being in charge of crazy people. And we also discussed having some music in which I'll possibly be playing the flute and singing again. Look mom, those lessons may in fact pay off!
Following that we were given the afternoon off to research our given topics for the next day's presentation and then I had rehearsal for On the Verge with Phil, et al. again. The more I do this Verge project, the more I like it. I absolutely love the people I am working with. It's a nonconfrontational nonjudgmental bunch who love to play and are natural doing it. I'm partnered with JS for the most part and it is so nice to have a sense of ease and banter. I'm not used to that and I so look forward to seeing how this develops. SM and DS are also lovely counterpoints. None of us are alike at all but together we make an ensemble that makes sense, I think. And they make me laugh. Improv is always so nerveracking for me. Or rather the moment right before is. I dread it because I'm such a planner, and you just can't predict or plan improv if you want to make it good. But once I get started with it, I've learned to just let go and let God. And it turns out alright 99% of the time. But I always get anxious right before. That anxiousness has lessened immensely because of these four people I'm working with. Because though I know they'll push me, I'm safe with them. It's a rare thing.
This morning we did another round of foursquare and then everyone from both casts (Measure for Measure is our other show. Our cohort is split for this section of term) gave a report on certain themes that we found in both texts. My subject was 17th Century brothels and prostitution. Excellent. Surprisingly enough, it's quite a fascinating subject. 1 in 5 women in London as of the beginning of the 18th C were harlots. It is, after all, the oldest profession. And when I was in musical theatre training, I always seemed to play either the whore or the housewife which, ironically, are pretty much your two choices of roles in the 17th Century.
Anywho. Following lunchbreak, Pete decided that we needed to go on a field trip. To a graveyard. Right. Sometimes I marvel at my life. But we got our wellies and coats on and walked to the necropolis to do an acting exercise. However, upon arrival we discovered that it was closed. But Pete decided we would do the exercise anyway which was that we were to walk together as a group, anywhere, but we must stay together. We must observe what's around us, our feelings, etc. But we must never talk. Complete silence for 45 minutes. We wandered towards the local cathedral and went inside. We spent most of our time there, reading plaques, touching walls and tombs, sitting in pews, but always staying relatively together. We created our own atmosphere. Which sometimes scared other visitors off. Cracked me up. We eventually left the cathedral to walk around in the windy wet. Some of us found the oldest house in Glasgow and poked our heads in. We didn't stay long because one of the ladies who worked there came over to speak to us...but we couldn't answer back. She eventually just thought we didn't speak english and pointed out an area with pamphlets in other languages and left us alone. We just left, feeling a bit bad that we couldn't explain.
I find that I liked the silence. It didn't bother me at all. It sort of annoyed me when we were allowed to speak again. It was nice to just hear what was around us naturally. What was it that Glynn-duh used to say? "Do not speak unless you can improve on silence."
We returned to school to discuss what we felt, observed, and what the exercise was meant to do. I think it was about learning how this particular group works. Who has instincts to lead, who to follow? Who will we LET lead, who will we follow? Do we resist or do we blend? And what atmosphere do we bring to the whole? By understanding that, and learning how to manipulate it, we can control or have the ability to put forth a product of worth. At least that's what Pete hopes. I hope so, too.
This past weekend I got remarkably ill. Sicker than I've been in a very long time. It began as just a cold and ended up with me fainting at 430am in the morning on my way to get a glass of water. Let me point out that I'm perfectly fine now. Well, with the exception of the fact that my face has carpet burn and I've a few rather large bruises elsewhere. But the cold is gone and nothing is wrong that can't be fixed with a bit of neosporin and time. But it scared me a bit. It reminded me that no, living alone for the rest of my life is indeed NOT a good idea. I am thankful my dad was up and online so I had someone to talk to right after which made all the difference in the world. But I sure could've used a cuddle as well. I used to have fainting spells whenever I had acute pain from something. I had once fallen downstairs and had torn my large toenail off and ended up fainting four or five times from that. And there was that one time I got my belly button pierced in high school...oy, bad decisions all around. But I hadnt done so in years. Can't say I've missed it. But anyway, my face at the time looked like I got into a fight with someone. I am convinced that if this were the case, the other person would be in much worse condition. But in this instance, the carpet and doorframe (that caught my shoulder) totally won. two points immobile furniture. stacy, zero.
Which led me to missing my first day of school all year. Luckily I have very understanding classmates and directors who filled me in and made sure I missed nothing. So I spent the day sleeping for 45 minutes, then staying awake for 2hours writing my term paper, then sleeping for 45 minutes, and repeat. Although now that I think of it, perhaps writing a term paper while disoriented may not be the best idea. ...Either that or it could be the best idea ever. I'll wait to see my grade and let you know.
By Tuesday the splitting headache and most of my cold had gone away and I joined the land of the living. Rehearsals for Duchess of Malfi have now begun. Our director, Pete Collins, likes to start out the sessions with a game of foursquare. No, like really. Yes, the same foursquare we used to play on the playground during recess in elementary school. I think I like this Pete Collins.
Then we did a read through of our cut of the scripte. I am playing, as of now, the midwife, a servant, and the doctor of an insane asylum. This should be good. I look forward to being in charge of crazy people. And we also discussed having some music in which I'll possibly be playing the flute and singing again. Look mom, those lessons may in fact pay off!
Following that we were given the afternoon off to research our given topics for the next day's presentation and then I had rehearsal for On the Verge with Phil, et al. again. The more I do this Verge project, the more I like it. I absolutely love the people I am working with. It's a nonconfrontational nonjudgmental bunch who love to play and are natural doing it. I'm partnered with JS for the most part and it is so nice to have a sense of ease and banter. I'm not used to that and I so look forward to seeing how this develops. SM and DS are also lovely counterpoints. None of us are alike at all but together we make an ensemble that makes sense, I think. And they make me laugh. Improv is always so nerveracking for me. Or rather the moment right before is. I dread it because I'm such a planner, and you just can't predict or plan improv if you want to make it good. But once I get started with it, I've learned to just let go and let God. And it turns out alright 99% of the time. But I always get anxious right before. That anxiousness has lessened immensely because of these four people I'm working with. Because though I know they'll push me, I'm safe with them. It's a rare thing.
This morning we did another round of foursquare and then everyone from both casts (Measure for Measure is our other show. Our cohort is split for this section of term) gave a report on certain themes that we found in both texts. My subject was 17th Century brothels and prostitution. Excellent. Surprisingly enough, it's quite a fascinating subject. 1 in 5 women in London as of the beginning of the 18th C were harlots. It is, after all, the oldest profession. And when I was in musical theatre training, I always seemed to play either the whore or the housewife which, ironically, are pretty much your two choices of roles in the 17th Century.
Anywho. Following lunchbreak, Pete decided that we needed to go on a field trip. To a graveyard. Right. Sometimes I marvel at my life. But we got our wellies and coats on and walked to the necropolis to do an acting exercise. However, upon arrival we discovered that it was closed. But Pete decided we would do the exercise anyway which was that we were to walk together as a group, anywhere, but we must stay together. We must observe what's around us, our feelings, etc. But we must never talk. Complete silence for 45 minutes. We wandered towards the local cathedral and went inside. We spent most of our time there, reading plaques, touching walls and tombs, sitting in pews, but always staying relatively together. We created our own atmosphere. Which sometimes scared other visitors off. Cracked me up. We eventually left the cathedral to walk around in the windy wet. Some of us found the oldest house in Glasgow and poked our heads in. We didn't stay long because one of the ladies who worked there came over to speak to us...but we couldn't answer back. She eventually just thought we didn't speak english and pointed out an area with pamphlets in other languages and left us alone. We just left, feeling a bit bad that we couldn't explain.
I find that I liked the silence. It didn't bother me at all. It sort of annoyed me when we were allowed to speak again. It was nice to just hear what was around us naturally. What was it that Glynn-duh used to say? "Do not speak unless you can improve on silence."
We returned to school to discuss what we felt, observed, and what the exercise was meant to do. I think it was about learning how this particular group works. Who has instincts to lead, who to follow? Who will we LET lead, who will we follow? Do we resist or do we blend? And what atmosphere do we bring to the whole? By understanding that, and learning how to manipulate it, we can control or have the ability to put forth a product of worth. At least that's what Pete hopes. I hope so, too.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
"En Garde!" wait...who gave Stacy a sharp pointy thing?
I've not written because, to be honest, I've not felt I had a multitude of things to write. The week has been a bit different in that there hasn't been a whole lot of class but I still found I rarely stopped moving.
I've still gone to the gym every other day (except for today, as I've caught a cold). And Thursday, I decided to take my very first fencing class. I dragged MAR with me and I think he was even more into it than I was. It's a class with the Glasgow Fencing Club. The first one is free and the head guy used to teach at our Univ anyway. The whole thing is almost two hours long and you literally jump right in. They suit you up in backwards straight jacket white thingys, a glove, a sweaty mask, a chest plate for the girls, and an epee. They work on footwork for the first twenty minutes where you are in the squat position for most of it, attack arm slightly bent and facing forward, other hand behind you over your head in a sort of "C" shape. Then we go through a few exercises of thrusts, parrys, disengages. Then we spar or free fight while Mark (why is everyone in this country called Mark?) gives people small one-on-one lessons. By the end, I'm sweaty, my legs are shaking, I've been poked twice in the thigh, once in the ribs, twice in the arms, and once in the soft spot where your arm meets your shoulder. I loved it. Although I have to say, I'm surprised at how hesitant I was at attacking. And I think this will actually be very useful for my acting. This is a sport you could do with your eyes closed eventually. No. Like, for real. Because it is based off of sensation and give and take. If I advance on you and touch your epee with mine and feel no resistance, I know to thrust. If I feel resistance, I know to disengage then thrust. If you disengaged to disarm and I never felt your blade at all, I parry and then attack. But if I spend even an instant trying to plan ahead or not listen and feel what you are giving me, I miss or fall off balance, and you've pinned me. I've lost. Acting=Fencing. huh, who knew? AND best part is every lesson is only 4GBP (equiv is about 6 USD). They supply the equipment. I just have to show up. And I can check this off the list of things to do before I die. Yes, I do actually have one, in case you were wondering.
As for the world of academia, Monday were tutorials about our term papers and a catch up with the head of the dept. Neither tutorial made me happy. But I need not go into it much, just know that I passed and I'm still doing very well. The rest is just my temper simmering.
Tuesday was an unexpected day off because our other tutorial lady got sick. Which is fine except it was for Valentine's day and I made cupcakes. So with over twenty cakes, I found ways to entertain myself. I gave some to my floormates, took some to school where I met KS, and some to RM's house later on. I spoiled myself rotten on Vday as I often do. I took KS to the bookstore and we bought books for ourselves and I bought one for her as well. Her mom used to always buy her a book on the holiday but since she wasnt in country this time, well, tradition must be adhered to. We also went to the cinema and saw a movie, and then ended up at RMs flat for what he called "Galentine's Day." A laid back get together where we ate chocolate and cupcakes and watched live feed of puppys playing on Ustream. yeah. Believe it or not, it was exactly the kind of day I was looking for.
Wednesday was a full day with the creator of our voice work, Nadine George. This is a method that still does not resonate very well with me. It sometimes works, it sometimes doesn't. I still like the partner work in dropping the breath, as well as the connecting with the space and others as you walk around and embrace. But the speaking on full voice in scenes for long periods of time still turns me off immensely. I can hear it straining some voices and I feel unhealthy it is in mine. After hearing KS and JS explain a few things in a feedback session, I understand it more in that the sound is not a pushing that you do, but an inner release. My problem is that I don't like that the teachers cannot tell the difference when someone is pushing and when someone is releasing. Because there is one. But either way, Nadine was a very nice lady who clearly has a passion for her work and loves what she does.
Thursday was an On The Verge meeting with PB, a programme meeting, and a seminar with the assistant artistic director of "Frozen Charlotte" theatre company. It's a company that does children's and youth theatre.
On The Verge (which I may have mentioned before, is a platform for us to put together a piece of experimental theatre and put it up for a night at one of Glasgow's theatre venues.) PB has come up with a great idea that blends both improv and structured scene. It will be very tricky to keep a form while still have it bounce around freely but the challenge and the people I am working with has me very excited. Looking very much forward to it.
Frozen Charlotte was...interesting. In that I discovered that when it comes to children, I'm exceptionally conservative. The pieces that were being read from they have put on were mostly controversial and a lot darker than I'd expected. They were good. But I would Never put them to audiences as young as they had slated for. It was not something I would ever let anyone under the age of 14 see for the most part. But then again, I come from an upbringing where at 12-13 yrs we thought it was scandalous that Sarah and Wesley were holding hands in the hallway between class and that Cody and Gloria were passing notes during Home Ec. People are a bit more advanced now I think. But I've never been a fan of those who stop being kids too soon.
Friday involved two seminars. First was a casting director for mostly film. She was the nicest casting agent I have ever encountered. If we could clone her and replace all the NYC casting people with her than I think we'd be a better place. She was honest and blunt but never offensive. She wanted to help and knew that lying to us about what our headshots looked like would not be useful. And telling us what's appropriate when dealing with casting members could make the difference between getting the job and not. It was reassuring to know that for the most part things work in the same way here as in the States. They even use Casting Networks which is the site where I got most of my work and as well as what I used for casting others. Even more useful was the fact that she said they are switching to color headshots here and that most things are becoming digital. Self tapings are becoming more and more common. Which if you think about it, saves SO much time for everyone. Instead of getting up at 6am in the morning, fighting the subway traffic to get to downtown on time only to wait in line with hundreds of people who are going for the same part and then getting 30seconds of someone's time while they eat an egg salad sandwich and dribble on their iphone while they are texting and not looking at you....they could just watch the video of your audition that you uploaded at ten am that morning when you were fresh faced, unfrazzled, and awake after your morning cup of coffee. AND you've already cut out all the bad takes you've made so you look like a really good actor. You just bought yourself a few more hours of sleep, a better mood, a more productive day, and a good audition. And you just bought them more time, they spent less money, and they don't have to pretend they want you if they don't. done and done.
The second Q&A of the day was with Vox Motus. A very good and innovative theatre company who's artistic directors are graduates of the BA Acting course here. They've won a few Firsts at the Edinburgh Fringe and just put on a show that began at the theatre where I found my placement. OH! I didn't tell you. I found a placement for the week of April 2nd. The Lyceum Theatre in Edinburgh is putting on a show (The Lieutenant of Inishmore) and I get to go watch rehearsals for a week. I'm more and more excited about this. I saw the show on Broadway a few years back and loved it. Mark (another Mark) Thomson is the artistic director of the Lyceum but also the director of the show. He's (from what I've researched and heard) quite the professional and has worked in Glasgow as well as at the Cockpit which is where we tour our new playwrights play in London in September. So it should hopefully be very useful.
Next week we begin rehearsals for Duchess of Malfi and our next term paper is due. I've no idea what to expect from either. But I will be very happy to find some structure in the schedule again. But still happy and plodding along. :)
Thinking of you x
I've still gone to the gym every other day (except for today, as I've caught a cold). And Thursday, I decided to take my very first fencing class. I dragged MAR with me and I think he was even more into it than I was. It's a class with the Glasgow Fencing Club. The first one is free and the head guy used to teach at our Univ anyway. The whole thing is almost two hours long and you literally jump right in. They suit you up in backwards straight jacket white thingys, a glove, a sweaty mask, a chest plate for the girls, and an epee. They work on footwork for the first twenty minutes where you are in the squat position for most of it, attack arm slightly bent and facing forward, other hand behind you over your head in a sort of "C" shape. Then we go through a few exercises of thrusts, parrys, disengages. Then we spar or free fight while Mark (why is everyone in this country called Mark?) gives people small one-on-one lessons. By the end, I'm sweaty, my legs are shaking, I've been poked twice in the thigh, once in the ribs, twice in the arms, and once in the soft spot where your arm meets your shoulder. I loved it. Although I have to say, I'm surprised at how hesitant I was at attacking. And I think this will actually be very useful for my acting. This is a sport you could do with your eyes closed eventually. No. Like, for real. Because it is based off of sensation and give and take. If I advance on you and touch your epee with mine and feel no resistance, I know to thrust. If I feel resistance, I know to disengage then thrust. If you disengaged to disarm and I never felt your blade at all, I parry and then attack. But if I spend even an instant trying to plan ahead or not listen and feel what you are giving me, I miss or fall off balance, and you've pinned me. I've lost. Acting=Fencing. huh, who knew? AND best part is every lesson is only 4GBP (equiv is about 6 USD). They supply the equipment. I just have to show up. And I can check this off the list of things to do before I die. Yes, I do actually have one, in case you were wondering.
As for the world of academia, Monday were tutorials about our term papers and a catch up with the head of the dept. Neither tutorial made me happy. But I need not go into it much, just know that I passed and I'm still doing very well. The rest is just my temper simmering.
Tuesday was an unexpected day off because our other tutorial lady got sick. Which is fine except it was for Valentine's day and I made cupcakes. So with over twenty cakes, I found ways to entertain myself. I gave some to my floormates, took some to school where I met KS, and some to RM's house later on. I spoiled myself rotten on Vday as I often do. I took KS to the bookstore and we bought books for ourselves and I bought one for her as well. Her mom used to always buy her a book on the holiday but since she wasnt in country this time, well, tradition must be adhered to. We also went to the cinema and saw a movie, and then ended up at RMs flat for what he called "Galentine's Day." A laid back get together where we ate chocolate and cupcakes and watched live feed of puppys playing on Ustream. yeah. Believe it or not, it was exactly the kind of day I was looking for.
Wednesday was a full day with the creator of our voice work, Nadine George. This is a method that still does not resonate very well with me. It sometimes works, it sometimes doesn't. I still like the partner work in dropping the breath, as well as the connecting with the space and others as you walk around and embrace. But the speaking on full voice in scenes for long periods of time still turns me off immensely. I can hear it straining some voices and I feel unhealthy it is in mine. After hearing KS and JS explain a few things in a feedback session, I understand it more in that the sound is not a pushing that you do, but an inner release. My problem is that I don't like that the teachers cannot tell the difference when someone is pushing and when someone is releasing. Because there is one. But either way, Nadine was a very nice lady who clearly has a passion for her work and loves what she does.
Thursday was an On The Verge meeting with PB, a programme meeting, and a seminar with the assistant artistic director of "Frozen Charlotte" theatre company. It's a company that does children's and youth theatre.
On The Verge (which I may have mentioned before, is a platform for us to put together a piece of experimental theatre and put it up for a night at one of Glasgow's theatre venues.) PB has come up with a great idea that blends both improv and structured scene. It will be very tricky to keep a form while still have it bounce around freely but the challenge and the people I am working with has me very excited. Looking very much forward to it.
Frozen Charlotte was...interesting. In that I discovered that when it comes to children, I'm exceptionally conservative. The pieces that were being read from they have put on were mostly controversial and a lot darker than I'd expected. They were good. But I would Never put them to audiences as young as they had slated for. It was not something I would ever let anyone under the age of 14 see for the most part. But then again, I come from an upbringing where at 12-13 yrs we thought it was scandalous that Sarah and Wesley were holding hands in the hallway between class and that Cody and Gloria were passing notes during Home Ec. People are a bit more advanced now I think. But I've never been a fan of those who stop being kids too soon.
Friday involved two seminars. First was a casting director for mostly film. She was the nicest casting agent I have ever encountered. If we could clone her and replace all the NYC casting people with her than I think we'd be a better place. She was honest and blunt but never offensive. She wanted to help and knew that lying to us about what our headshots looked like would not be useful. And telling us what's appropriate when dealing with casting members could make the difference between getting the job and not. It was reassuring to know that for the most part things work in the same way here as in the States. They even use Casting Networks which is the site where I got most of my work and as well as what I used for casting others. Even more useful was the fact that she said they are switching to color headshots here and that most things are becoming digital. Self tapings are becoming more and more common. Which if you think about it, saves SO much time for everyone. Instead of getting up at 6am in the morning, fighting the subway traffic to get to downtown on time only to wait in line with hundreds of people who are going for the same part and then getting 30seconds of someone's time while they eat an egg salad sandwich and dribble on their iphone while they are texting and not looking at you....they could just watch the video of your audition that you uploaded at ten am that morning when you were fresh faced, unfrazzled, and awake after your morning cup of coffee. AND you've already cut out all the bad takes you've made so you look like a really good actor. You just bought yourself a few more hours of sleep, a better mood, a more productive day, and a good audition. And you just bought them more time, they spent less money, and they don't have to pretend they want you if they don't. done and done.
The second Q&A of the day was with Vox Motus. A very good and innovative theatre company who's artistic directors are graduates of the BA Acting course here. They've won a few Firsts at the Edinburgh Fringe and just put on a show that began at the theatre where I found my placement. OH! I didn't tell you. I found a placement for the week of April 2nd. The Lyceum Theatre in Edinburgh is putting on a show (The Lieutenant of Inishmore) and I get to go watch rehearsals for a week. I'm more and more excited about this. I saw the show on Broadway a few years back and loved it. Mark (another Mark) Thomson is the artistic director of the Lyceum but also the director of the show. He's (from what I've researched and heard) quite the professional and has worked in Glasgow as well as at the Cockpit which is where we tour our new playwrights play in London in September. So it should hopefully be very useful.
Next week we begin rehearsals for Duchess of Malfi and our next term paper is due. I've no idea what to expect from either. But I will be very happy to find some structure in the schedule again. But still happy and plodding along. :)
Thinking of you x
Friday, February 10, 2012
Masterchef meets Masters in Acting.
It's times like these that I look at my daily life in awe. While many other spend their days typing away at their computers or shuffling around offices, I spent my day becoming the emotional quality of fruit and vegetables. Yup.
Our last day with Rona. We were asked to bring groceries and kitchen supplies to rehearsal. Upon arrival, we laid out our mass amount of cheese, veggies, fruits, and bottles of wine. Then we were asked to pick one with an emotional memory attached to it. I chose an apple at first. It reminded me of when my grandpa would do cider presses at his house. It would be a large amount of people, a truck load (literally) of apples, and we'd make cider and hang out all day. The smell of apples and gasoline will always remind me of him. That's a weird combo I know, but he also managed to spill gas inside his van at one point and so the garage would forever smell of gasoline and apples. Though he's been gone for over half my life now, I still can feel the slight chill in the air, the sound of the press, and the smell.
So then the director and Rona set up an improv that had absolutely nothing to do with fruit, but you had to have that memory/fruit with you and use it if it came up.
We then moved on to having a piece of produce picked out for us and having to take on it's characteristics. Example: I am a telemarketer with three others. There is a rumor that some of us will be laid off. My fruit is a tsatuma orange (a little tangy, a little tart, but sometimes sweet). I take on those characteristics and let that guide me through the scene.
Or I was also designated as raw meat at one point. It was a scene where my guy friend KT, whom I had known for years, just broke up with his long term girlfriend. His produce was white wine. The qualities of meat could be a bit primal, a bit animalistic, a bit sensual maybe. And you take the scene from there. Do I threaten to kick the ex girlfriend's butt? Yes. Do I possibly come on to said guy friend? mmmmmaybe. ...he didn't have a chance. :)
We also did a 30minute improv with the seven of us pretending that it was a real restaurant kitchen, with assigned duties and jobs, and some of us with backstories. We chopped ingredients, bustled around, created relationships, had tiffs, and made some rather disgusting food. But also got a really good feel to what natural movement and speech would be like. I find acting is always easier when your hands are busy.
But this was our day. Improv after improv. Supplying Rona with new and inspired ideas that have nothing to do with anything.
I felt a bit stiff and tired today. And a little sad. Didn't really have a specific reason which always makes me feel excessively dramatic. But the work today was fun and relaxed and creative.
We also did a thing that you probably wouldn't do on a normal day. We ate and drank our props in the end. Two and a half bottles of wine, chocolate bars, and two chunks of cheese later, we were happy campers.
We followed it up with a pub visit with Rona to Molly Malone's for one last drink. Rona told us about her upcoming projects but she also told us about her life. Her loves, her family, etc. And we shared ours in return. For a woman with such a beautiful reputation, it's so wonderful to be able to laugh with her and share stories. She is just one of those people who happens to be ornately good, even while seeing the bittersweetness of the world. I'm very lucky.
And so ends our first week back in Glasgow.
x
Our last day with Rona. We were asked to bring groceries and kitchen supplies to rehearsal. Upon arrival, we laid out our mass amount of cheese, veggies, fruits, and bottles of wine. Then we were asked to pick one with an emotional memory attached to it. I chose an apple at first. It reminded me of when my grandpa would do cider presses at his house. It would be a large amount of people, a truck load (literally) of apples, and we'd make cider and hang out all day. The smell of apples and gasoline will always remind me of him. That's a weird combo I know, but he also managed to spill gas inside his van at one point and so the garage would forever smell of gasoline and apples. Though he's been gone for over half my life now, I still can feel the slight chill in the air, the sound of the press, and the smell.
So then the director and Rona set up an improv that had absolutely nothing to do with fruit, but you had to have that memory/fruit with you and use it if it came up.
We then moved on to having a piece of produce picked out for us and having to take on it's characteristics. Example: I am a telemarketer with three others. There is a rumor that some of us will be laid off. My fruit is a tsatuma orange (a little tangy, a little tart, but sometimes sweet). I take on those characteristics and let that guide me through the scene.
Or I was also designated as raw meat at one point. It was a scene where my guy friend KT, whom I had known for years, just broke up with his long term girlfriend. His produce was white wine. The qualities of meat could be a bit primal, a bit animalistic, a bit sensual maybe. And you take the scene from there. Do I threaten to kick the ex girlfriend's butt? Yes. Do I possibly come on to said guy friend? mmmmmaybe. ...he didn't have a chance. :)
We also did a 30minute improv with the seven of us pretending that it was a real restaurant kitchen, with assigned duties and jobs, and some of us with backstories. We chopped ingredients, bustled around, created relationships, had tiffs, and made some rather disgusting food. But also got a really good feel to what natural movement and speech would be like. I find acting is always easier when your hands are busy.
But this was our day. Improv after improv. Supplying Rona with new and inspired ideas that have nothing to do with anything.
I felt a bit stiff and tired today. And a little sad. Didn't really have a specific reason which always makes me feel excessively dramatic. But the work today was fun and relaxed and creative.
We also did a thing that you probably wouldn't do on a normal day. We ate and drank our props in the end. Two and a half bottles of wine, chocolate bars, and two chunks of cheese later, we were happy campers.
We followed it up with a pub visit with Rona to Molly Malone's for one last drink. Rona told us about her upcoming projects but she also told us about her life. Her loves, her family, etc. And we shared ours in return. For a woman with such a beautiful reputation, it's so wonderful to be able to laugh with her and share stories. She is just one of those people who happens to be ornately good, even while seeing the bittersweetness of the world. I'm very lucky.
And so ends our first week back in Glasgow.
x
Thursday, February 9, 2012
I've Got the Runs. No! Wait! That's Not What I Mean!
I've joined a gym. I know. They must be eating popsicles in hell. But it's true. When we got back to Glasgow on Saturday it was the biggest emotional drop off. I hibernated, saw a movie, and did nothing else. I haven't even unpacked yet. And I slept. A lot.
But then I started realizing that there were too many hours in the day. What do you mean we don't have a schedule that spans 12 hours a day? What do you mean we don't have to walk an hour to and from school? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE A DAY OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WEEK?! gahhhhhhhh! What the hell am I supposed to do with myself?
So. I joined a gym. And I've been running at least 3km each time I go. Like, actually running. It shocks those of you that know me to be a skipper, a frolicker, a meanderer, or even a pansy-asser (as my mother used to call me. "Stacy Lynn, stop pansy assing around and skeedaddle.") But now I run. And it sucks. But it also feels reeeeeeally good. I'm going a minimum of three times a week, I've decided. And I've got KS to go with me to hold me accountable. KS is pure joy and I'm thankful that we have each other to make each other laugh.
I've never been a fan of January or February. I was so excited to be so busy this January that it just flew by. But Feb, with such a scant schedule...I find will be a bit of a downer. It's not just that it's always cold. But bad things have always happened in feb: breakups, lonely v-days, deaths, fights, or even little things like forgetting something important or tripping over my own feet. It's just a lonely month. On the bright side, it's already a quarter over.
Until the end however, I'm keeping my head down but eyes open for the literal and metaphorical puddles everywhere.
The drop in schedule itself is dangerous for me. Time alone is good to recharge. But too much time alone gives way to too much thinking about oneself-and the things that are missing.
It annoys me a bit to come back to Scotland and find that we only are in class for sometimes two to four hours a day for next week. What? Have you ran out of things to teach me already? I dont understand. $30000 USD should buy me at least full days of classes.
I know what you are thinking, "you are complaining about having no class?" well...yes I am. This is the last time I will ever be able to concentrate my FULL attention on acting. After this it will be divided with survival jobs and the outside world. So I want to milk this school for everything that it's worth. That way, I have a ginormous arsenal of tools to help me make a go of this career. So, when I think that I'm going to spend the next ten years paying back for this one year- to which I'll be 40years old by then- then you're damn right I want them to fill these days with something useful. It would be a different story if I had all the money in the world. I'd use these days off to travel and bounce around Europe, then pop back to pick up my diploma before getting deported back to the US. But, alas, I dont. So. I've decided that if they are having trouble with ideas of how to spend my days, I'll have to decide for them. I'll watch rehearsals when I'm not being used, I'll ask for more yoga classes and workshops, and when nothing works there, my ass will be at the gym or at some other theatre. I refuse to go back to wherever i'm going to after this as the same person, and I REFUSE to lose my self worth again. Period.
Rant over.
As for this weeks work, we've spent time once again with Rona Munro for our new works playwrights piece. She came bearing a first draft of cool little show. The casting, I think, was perfect. And she integrated a lot of the improv we did last fall. This week has been full of read throughs and a bit more character work, but also a lot of table discussion on what's missing, what isn't understood, and character relationships. It's fascinating to be able to speak with the writer right there in front of you. And Rona is truly lovely. Her mind is open, her ego is set aside, and she just wants to watch us play. And, she's just a little bit magic. She goes away again for a few months after Friday, to write a more complete draft. But I find it encouraging to see where she is going with this.
Well, that's all right now. I suppose I should unpack or something...oh! Look. Something shiny! [walks in other direction from luggage].
Thinking of you x
But then I started realizing that there were too many hours in the day. What do you mean we don't have a schedule that spans 12 hours a day? What do you mean we don't have to walk an hour to and from school? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE A DAY OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WEEK?! gahhhhhhhh! What the hell am I supposed to do with myself?
So. I joined a gym. And I've been running at least 3km each time I go. Like, actually running. It shocks those of you that know me to be a skipper, a frolicker, a meanderer, or even a pansy-asser (as my mother used to call me. "Stacy Lynn, stop pansy assing around and skeedaddle.") But now I run. And it sucks. But it also feels reeeeeeally good. I'm going a minimum of three times a week, I've decided. And I've got KS to go with me to hold me accountable. KS is pure joy and I'm thankful that we have each other to make each other laugh.
I've never been a fan of January or February. I was so excited to be so busy this January that it just flew by. But Feb, with such a scant schedule...I find will be a bit of a downer. It's not just that it's always cold. But bad things have always happened in feb: breakups, lonely v-days, deaths, fights, or even little things like forgetting something important or tripping over my own feet. It's just a lonely month. On the bright side, it's already a quarter over.
Until the end however, I'm keeping my head down but eyes open for the literal and metaphorical puddles everywhere.
The drop in schedule itself is dangerous for me. Time alone is good to recharge. But too much time alone gives way to too much thinking about oneself-and the things that are missing.
It annoys me a bit to come back to Scotland and find that we only are in class for sometimes two to four hours a day for next week. What? Have you ran out of things to teach me already? I dont understand. $30000 USD should buy me at least full days of classes.
I know what you are thinking, "you are complaining about having no class?" well...yes I am. This is the last time I will ever be able to concentrate my FULL attention on acting. After this it will be divided with survival jobs and the outside world. So I want to milk this school for everything that it's worth. That way, I have a ginormous arsenal of tools to help me make a go of this career. So, when I think that I'm going to spend the next ten years paying back for this one year- to which I'll be 40years old by then- then you're damn right I want them to fill these days with something useful. It would be a different story if I had all the money in the world. I'd use these days off to travel and bounce around Europe, then pop back to pick up my diploma before getting deported back to the US. But, alas, I dont. So. I've decided that if they are having trouble with ideas of how to spend my days, I'll have to decide for them. I'll watch rehearsals when I'm not being used, I'll ask for more yoga classes and workshops, and when nothing works there, my ass will be at the gym or at some other theatre. I refuse to go back to wherever i'm going to after this as the same person, and I REFUSE to lose my self worth again. Period.
Rant over.
As for this weeks work, we've spent time once again with Rona Munro for our new works playwrights piece. She came bearing a first draft of cool little show. The casting, I think, was perfect. And she integrated a lot of the improv we did last fall. This week has been full of read throughs and a bit more character work, but also a lot of table discussion on what's missing, what isn't understood, and character relationships. It's fascinating to be able to speak with the writer right there in front of you. And Rona is truly lovely. Her mind is open, her ego is set aside, and she just wants to watch us play. And, she's just a little bit magic. She goes away again for a few months after Friday, to write a more complete draft. But I find it encouraging to see where she is going with this.
Well, that's all right now. I suppose I should unpack or something...oh! Look. Something shiny! [walks in other direction from luggage].
Thinking of you x
Sunday, February 5, 2012
More than Mediocre.
My luggage and most of my belongings are piled at the foot of my bed. After twelve hours of sleep in my own familiar yet still uncomfortable Glasgow bed, I'm feeling a little less on edge. It's quiet here for the most part. The occasional slamming of the corridor doors or the pianist playing in the other room still filter in, but my space is my own. My body is angry with me. Everything aches. Some are from bruises I gained during the month, some is due to tightness of muscles from stress and cold weather. Whatever the reason, I can't bring myself to unpack. This will be a day of half procrastination and half catch up.
I think about the last month. Where I was before as an actor and where I am now. And I realize, London and the Globe have given me a boost in confidence that I hadn't realized I sorely needed. Sure the lessons are now a blur and I've been exhausted for most. But now I'm even more hungry for what else I can get from this programme. I'm slightly concerned to go back to a more lax structure and way of teaching. I really enjoyed the jam packed schedule of the Globe. The utter honesty of the teachers. The feeling that I was a colleague, not a itty bitty student that needs to be stroked and petted. I only pray that I can manage not to get lazy. I am the laziest person alive. Give me a reason to sit, and I'll take it. If you give me a ten minute break, I'll take an hour. If you say skip a work out, I'll skip them all. And now there won't be a five mile walk a day to off set my sloth-like abilities.
I realize now that I. Love. London. I love how old it is, how spread out it is, how clean it is, and how quiet it is. You rarely hear a siren or honking of horn. In NYC, just the walk home would drain me. In London, the walk home (though very tiring physically), was the only time that I found calm. and I really loved the people at the Globe. Martin, from Voice, has converted me. I'll buy his book when it comes out. I'll use his warm up. And I'll miss him.
Glynn-duh is cracked out crazy. But she gave me a good kick in the ass and I kind of hope I am like her thirty years down the road.
And Tom, though this is disputed among many of my fellow classmates, was the right kind of push that I needed. He called me out on any inauthenticity I had settled for. He was supportive and personable and I never felt unsafe. I worked harder, not because I was worried about his wrath, but because I knew he expected more and therefore I should expect more out of myself.
The last week of London is a solid blur. Basically it was long days of rehearsals with an occasional voice or movement class thrown in. On Weds alone, we had a thirteen hour day. Much of which was outside in the 30 degree weather in only thermals and a few light layers of shirts. There was a point when I had misjudged how long I actually would be on stage and came off with teeth chattering and shaking all over. Its times like these that I remember what great friends I have. Almost immediately there were coats thrown on me, someone wrapping their arms around me, someone shoving hand warming packets in my hands, and someone rubbing my shoulders. Sometimes I sit back and remember what beautiful hearts these people have. And I know how lucky I am.
We had our dress rehearsal which honestly was huge bomb (not all our fault). They tried to cram too much work into too little time and then asked us why we were sucking. Very frustrating. But you know what they say, a bad dress means a good opening night. And it was.
Thursday, we had last minute rehearsals, an atmosphere runthrough, and then the showing. About 130 people showed up to stand in the cold for our 1 1/2 hour version of King Lear. It went very smoothly and everyone should be proud of how they did. It's an amazing feeling to be on that stage, in performance mode. I still get terrible stage fright but have found some things I do to off set it.
1. I slow down my breathing to slow my heartrate which slows my thinking. This stops me from talking too fast on stage.
2. I do my best to keep my hands warm. The stiffer my hands, the more stiff my physicality.
3. I say the first line of my next scene to myself to get it in my mouth.
4. I look at the people in my next scene (they don't have to be aware of it) and think: "this is not about me. This is about you. I will make it about you." As long as you are thinking of your scene partners, you aren't thinking of yourself and therefore your nerves take a back seat.
5. I ask God to help me do my best so that whatever happens out on stage, good or bad, that I am able to handle it and walk away after the play with self respect and self kindness still in tact.
And though there were moments of inauthenticity in my acting that night. And though I know I could do even better. Self judgement aside, I am proud of what I did. Afterwards, a girl from a past cohort named Lucy spoke with me. She said, "I understood and believed every word you said." I don't think I've ever received a better compliment. Because that's the point isn't it? To tell the story and make others believe. And to have done that with Shakespeare...I am so grateful. I asked for a challenge and I got it. And I did well.
The next day was dedicated to tutorials with Tom. The final feedback of the month. And it was probably the best feedback I ever received. I will keep the details for my own but know that I have never felt better about where I am at as an actor. Though there is such a long way to go, and though you never stop learning and growing, I feel for the first time that I can actually do this. Not just as a hobby. But I could do this for a good living and be more than mediocre. You never know what you can do...until you do it.
Alright. What's next?
I think about the last month. Where I was before as an actor and where I am now. And I realize, London and the Globe have given me a boost in confidence that I hadn't realized I sorely needed. Sure the lessons are now a blur and I've been exhausted for most. But now I'm even more hungry for what else I can get from this programme. I'm slightly concerned to go back to a more lax structure and way of teaching. I really enjoyed the jam packed schedule of the Globe. The utter honesty of the teachers. The feeling that I was a colleague, not a itty bitty student that needs to be stroked and petted. I only pray that I can manage not to get lazy. I am the laziest person alive. Give me a reason to sit, and I'll take it. If you give me a ten minute break, I'll take an hour. If you say skip a work out, I'll skip them all. And now there won't be a five mile walk a day to off set my sloth-like abilities.
I realize now that I. Love. London. I love how old it is, how spread out it is, how clean it is, and how quiet it is. You rarely hear a siren or honking of horn. In NYC, just the walk home would drain me. In London, the walk home (though very tiring physically), was the only time that I found calm. and I really loved the people at the Globe. Martin, from Voice, has converted me. I'll buy his book when it comes out. I'll use his warm up. And I'll miss him.
Glynn-duh is cracked out crazy. But she gave me a good kick in the ass and I kind of hope I am like her thirty years down the road.
And Tom, though this is disputed among many of my fellow classmates, was the right kind of push that I needed. He called me out on any inauthenticity I had settled for. He was supportive and personable and I never felt unsafe. I worked harder, not because I was worried about his wrath, but because I knew he expected more and therefore I should expect more out of myself.
The last week of London is a solid blur. Basically it was long days of rehearsals with an occasional voice or movement class thrown in. On Weds alone, we had a thirteen hour day. Much of which was outside in the 30 degree weather in only thermals and a few light layers of shirts. There was a point when I had misjudged how long I actually would be on stage and came off with teeth chattering and shaking all over. Its times like these that I remember what great friends I have. Almost immediately there were coats thrown on me, someone wrapping their arms around me, someone shoving hand warming packets in my hands, and someone rubbing my shoulders. Sometimes I sit back and remember what beautiful hearts these people have. And I know how lucky I am.
We had our dress rehearsal which honestly was huge bomb (not all our fault). They tried to cram too much work into too little time and then asked us why we were sucking. Very frustrating. But you know what they say, a bad dress means a good opening night. And it was.
Thursday, we had last minute rehearsals, an atmosphere runthrough, and then the showing. About 130 people showed up to stand in the cold for our 1 1/2 hour version of King Lear. It went very smoothly and everyone should be proud of how they did. It's an amazing feeling to be on that stage, in performance mode. I still get terrible stage fright but have found some things I do to off set it.
1. I slow down my breathing to slow my heartrate which slows my thinking. This stops me from talking too fast on stage.
2. I do my best to keep my hands warm. The stiffer my hands, the more stiff my physicality.
3. I say the first line of my next scene to myself to get it in my mouth.
4. I look at the people in my next scene (they don't have to be aware of it) and think: "this is not about me. This is about you. I will make it about you." As long as you are thinking of your scene partners, you aren't thinking of yourself and therefore your nerves take a back seat.
5. I ask God to help me do my best so that whatever happens out on stage, good or bad, that I am able to handle it and walk away after the play with self respect and self kindness still in tact.
And though there were moments of inauthenticity in my acting that night. And though I know I could do even better. Self judgement aside, I am proud of what I did. Afterwards, a girl from a past cohort named Lucy spoke with me. She said, "I understood and believed every word you said." I don't think I've ever received a better compliment. Because that's the point isn't it? To tell the story and make others believe. And to have done that with Shakespeare...I am so grateful. I asked for a challenge and I got it. And I did well.
The next day was dedicated to tutorials with Tom. The final feedback of the month. And it was probably the best feedback I ever received. I will keep the details for my own but know that I have never felt better about where I am at as an actor. Though there is such a long way to go, and though you never stop learning and growing, I feel for the first time that I can actually do this. Not just as a hobby. But I could do this for a good living and be more than mediocre. You never know what you can do...until you do it.
Alright. What's next?
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