The air has changed. Over 48 hours, it suddenly is fall. I love fall. And fall here feels like home.
My entire life fits into three suitcases. That's not an exaggeration, friends. It's fact. Sometimes that makes me feel good. Free. In control.
And sometimes it makes me sad.
Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be tied to people, places, or things. There can be comfort in that. Not all shackles are bad. Sometimes having tangible things can make one feel safe and secure. Sometimes, having the weight of someone's hand on your back as you fall asleep makes it feel like you have a home. And sometimes, not having to do laundry every two weeks because you only own two weeks of clothes is as exciting as Disneyland.
I moved in with LY last weekend. And it was a luxury to realize that I could eat out of real dishware instead of the tiny bowl with superheros printed on it that I bought from Poundland and tupperware. I never really realize how much lower my bar for living at the "bare minimum" has been until I look into LY's closet and see she owns more than two towels and multiple sets of sheets. It doesn't bother me usually. But sometimes, it's a reminder of how far from my bar for "success" I tend to be at.
But for now. I'm in London. We are here touring our plays for a couple of days and in theory we'll have more play time than what's good for us. I spent the weekend writing most of my papers. I made a good start of it and didn't have to lie at all. Amazing.
In truth, I struggled quite a bit this weekend. After moving into the flat, I figured I'd enjoy the quiet (LY was still in housing until Sunday) and the freedom of having no internet. I figured wrong. Silence, being alone, with almost nothing to do, is the absolute worst thing that could happen to someone like me. Never leave me alone with me. I think too much. And it was then that a mini meltdown began. I thought I had reached that acceptance level of leaving the UK and starting again. Once again, wrong. It was like being kicked with a steel toed boot in the gut. I physically got ill. And I panicked. I went for a walk to get some air, and started to tear up because I heard bagpipes. Pathetic.
So I hibernated in the computer lab at school and wrote 1st drafts of my papers. Desperate to feel productive. I went to the gym and pushed myself for three miles. I splurged (when I shouldn't have) and saw a movie. Just to keep busy. And I went to sleep with a movie playing just to have some noise. It was not the best of nights.
But i'm doing better now. It's fine. We choose this transient life. And it'll get easier. Always does. And London has been helping as it has proven to be a wonderful distraction.
We (AK and KS) arrived yesterday in the afternoon, dropped our stuff off at the hotel in Hamstead and went for a walk to Primrose Hill Park. We picked up some fresh fruit from a stand and sat on the grass eating huge peaches, cherries, and plums. MAR joined us and we went for some Chinese food and wine after that. We ended the night with AK, KS (my roommates for the week) watching Disney's Tangled and working the knots out of our backs from the stress of the term and travel.
Today was a day off and I may have walked the entirety of London. We had our free continental breakfast and mass amounts of coffee and then LM, MAR, AK, and eventually AL went for a gallavant. Is gallavant a noun? meh, who cares.
Anyway, we walked to Camden Market and I refrained from buying everything there, from varsity letter sweatshirt, vintage belts, lace dresses, and turquoise pendants and rings. This market is amazing. We bought chicken fajita quesadillas for lunch and sat by the Camden Lock on makeshift seats that were made from mopeds or vespas. The weather has been unbelievable. I had packed for fall Glasgow weather. Instead, I got summer sun. Not that I'm complaining. Though I may have to lay the makeup on a little thicker for the show tomorrow seeing as I may or may not have gotten a tan line or two.
Next we walked to King's Cross train station where we did the most touristy thing and found Platform 9 3/4 from Harry Potter. It was probably the most anticlamatic moment. But I got my picture and now I never have to wonder whether or not Hogwart's lost my acceptance letter in the mail (stole that line from AL).
We walked through Bloomsbury and found ourselves at Covent Garden in search of ice-cream. Success. It was SO good. AL and MAR had popcorn flavored which apparently was quite good. I stuck with milk chocolate and strawberry.
Then LM walked us to the oldest bar in London "The Sussex" then through 7 Dials, and then who knows where. We ended up at a bar somewhere and had yet another beer.
It was a really good day and I'm telling you, London is a great city. I highly recommend it.
Tomorrow we go back to work. Tech at 10am, rehearsal at 5:45, show at 8:45. I'm afraid I'm not really looking forward to it. But I plan on squeezing every moment of joy I can from these last three weeks.
...three weeks.
It's like falling down. That's what it feels like.
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