Like a Pig in a Puddle

I have once again found my footing.  Granted, it may be on a slippery surface.  But I am back on my feet. 

Since I last left you, I have managed to get a few things done including doing battle at the Laundromat and winning.  Barely.  LY and I hiked our clothes the four blocks or so looking like Santa Claus with our massive bags over our shoulders.  After taking a half an hour to realize that the machines take tokens and not actual money, and that no one works in the Laundromat and that you have to go to the convenience store three doors down in order to pay a small fortune, I now have clean and dry clothes.  Worth every damn pence.

KT was also a gem and brought me coffee while I waited for the dryers to fry my clothes.  Lifesaver, that one.

I also managed to have a chocolate date with KS and after unloading the past few days on her, we had some giggles and I calmed down immensely.  Another Lifesaver.

Last night and tonight were our final shows.  Ever.  Both went very well.  And tonight was the best we’d ever done.  Good energy, good pace, good delivery, and good fun.  Just how I’d hoped to end it.  Some really great moments.  Last night there was a nice connection between SM and I at the end that really clicked.  And tonight AL was so wonderfully generous that it made my job extremely easy.  There’s something wonderful about AL’s ability to immediately get to an intense emotion instantaneously.  Like a punch in the gut.  Boom.  She’s there. 

In the end, many of us were in tears again.  Although I’d like to say it was my acting prowess, I’m afraid it was mostly that feeling of “this is it” that seeped into the performance.  But hey, if it works, it works.  When in doubt…use it.

It feels good to have had this challenge.  It may not have been how I wished to be challenged but I’ve grown I think.  Looking back to the beginning of the year, I seriously doubt I would have been ok with being wrapped in cling film and been able to say the weird stuff I had to say.  I think my insecurities would have gotten in the way of any decent performance.  I know that I would never have been comfortable enough to trust my fellow actors and relax.  This is the first time that I felt like I really did my job.  It is not my favorite role, to be sure.  And I am happy that I’ll never have to shove those coloured contacts in my eyes again.  But I feel like I managed to do something that I can be proud of with people that I value.  And I am grateful. 

But that’s it.  That’s the end.  Our last performance.  I’ve already finished my papers and my tutorial is scheduled for Monday (which I am definitely not looking forward to) but that’s pretty much it.  I don’t really know how I feel about that right now.

I do know that I’m going to Ireland next Wednesday, that there’ll be one last brinner, and my birthday/going away get together.  So I’ll write once or twice more.  But…that’s it.  That. Is. It.  I keep saying it over and over to see if it will make any difference.  But it doesn’t. 

But instead of more crying nonsense, I think I’m going to try enjoying the next 11 days.  Rolling around in joy like a pig in a puddle.  And then we’ll just see where I end up.

 

Thinking of you   x