Cake and Karma

we all lose our minds a bit when huge changes happen. it's to be expected. so i've tried to make allowances for any extremes I or anyone else have had. Fear is normal. Excitement, too.  But mostly fear. Everyone is concerned for their own well being and future. Rightfully, so. But that makes very tense people who all need to talk. And when everyone needs to talk and wants to be taken care of, there is no one left to listen and do the caring. So insanity is expected. And that's fine.

I woke up tuesday morning, wondering why i felt like i was weighted or pinned down. I wondered why I was anxious and incredibly irritable. And I realised, oh. It's time to go. It finally clicked. If you can't stay, then go. And now, I'm just slightly annoyed that I can't get on with it. Let's start now. Let's audition. Let's hug my mother. Let's move.

Let's not waste time fawning over the things we'll miss. We will miss them regardless of whether we talk about them or not.

It's time to remember the other worlds back home. And look for new ones.

I'm turning 30 in a few days. Talk about your wake up call. I'm not wasting any more time dwelling on what I cannot change. I'd rather spend my time figuring out how to get what I want and making sure i deserve it.

I had a fairly short but extremely violent cry Tuesday afternoon and then I packed for my mini vacation to Ireland. It was a birthday gift I bought for myself months ago (back when I still had money). I had originally planned to stay in a hostel and then hopefully have an evening with my old friend Babs who lives in Dublin. The great thing about the Irish (well one of the many great things) is they are incredibly hospitable. Babs and her family wouldn't have it. They picked me up from the airport at a god awful early hour and I spent the next three days in their home where they fed me an immense amount of sweets and carted me around the city to all the places they love. It was exactly what I needed. They took excellent care of me and I was humbled by their generosity. Babs even bought me a claddagh ring for my birthday which I had been wanting since mine broke five years ago.

We drove around Killiney, saw the beautiful gardens at Powerscourt (and had cake), walked around Dublin's Temple Bar, River Liffey, had Teddy's 99s ice-cream as we sat on the sea wall, went to the National gallery, then stopped for cake, I took a tour of the Lord Mayor's Mansion, checked out the Georgian architecture, ...had cake...and an apple crumble tart, came back to Babs' and watched Downton Abbey with her family, had Bailey's and chocolate ice-cream, had a beer at O'houligans (sp?), and probably had more cake. I've lost count of how many sweets I've ingested. So worth it, though I'll be spending the next four days in the gym.

Babs also works at the National Concert Hall and got me a free ticket last night to the Symphony. Nothing like good quality Tchaikovsky and Schumann for free. It was SO nice.

It was a nice reminder of old friends and a new feeling of life without grad school. And I liked it. It's going to be ok.

I have five days left and I'm feeling much better about it all.

On the flight home I had extra euro coins. You can't exchange them back to a different currency so I looked around for something to buy. Then I saw this Irish boy with his grandmother. They looked so excited to be flying wherever they were going. So I walked up to them and asked if they'd like my leftover money. The little boy was so sweet, put on a huge grin and wished me safe travels. I thought, well, maybe I just bought me some good karma.

And boy did I.

On the train back from the airport I tried to buy a ticket (you apparently have to buy them whilst in transit) with my UK debit card. It was declined. What? I asked, well can I use my US credit card? He said, No. But I could buy the ticket once I get off the train. For those of you not UK familiar, you have to have a ticket in order to leave the train station platform. So unless I buy one, I'm stuck behind the gate. I said, ok.

The train pulls in, I go to the guys in the yellow jackets standing around with credit card machines. They try my card again. Declined. Sigh. I ask again, can I swipe my US credit card? The guy says, no. I look at him helplessly and scramble to put sentences together about where the nearest ATM is. He looks at me for a moment, takes out a key, unlocks the gate, and says, "Dunnae worry. The Americans have always been nice to us." And he let me through for free. ...I'm going to miss this place.

Finally, at long last, here are a couple of photos from "The Special" that I promised.  All rights reserved Royal Conservatoire of Scotland.  Enjoy!