So twice I have battled the streets of Glasgow and lost. The first time, I was walking with a bunch of friends to the train station and my heel got caught in the crack in the sidewalk. Smack. On all fours on wet pavement. The second time was coming out of rehearsal on one of the stormiest days I've seen here. The steps were slick, polished marble. Who makes marble steps in a place that rains more than Seattle, I don't know. But I hope that guy gets boils on his butt. Because there I was, exhausted from rehearsal...step, step, SPLAT! On all fours once again. Graceful, I am. Like a mountain goat. I hate wet streaks all up my new pair of jeans. But whatever. I shall conquer you, you mean streets. You shall see. Just wait till I invest in some good wellies (golashes), and we'll see who gets the last laugh. I've also managed to thwack the top of my foot on the corner of the closet in my room. My legs are now battle zones.
It's been almost a week since I've written. Mostly because I've been too mentally exhausted to bother. Saturday was brilliant in that we saw a free lecture about Panto theatre and it was headed up by Alan Cumming. I. LOVE. Alan Cumming. And he was as charming and lovely as I remembered. He performed along with some other really incredible Scottish actors and though I only understood about 60% of what they said, that 60% was very funny.
Afterwards we fought the wind and rain to get to LF's house for our late thanksgiving. It was absolutely lovely. (See fb photos for pics). SO much food and so much laughs. I did a few chinese grama impressions, the pumpkin bars were a hit, and we picked names for secret santa. About 25-30 people mulled around for hours and we introduced the non-americans to the glory of overeating.
As for this week, I started to go to morning warm up again- thanks to our director's request. I am very glad I have. I'm starting to feel a bit better physically. We barely see the sun now. It's dark by four and we've all been feeling a bit lethargic from the lack of vitamin D. The warm ups have also been helping a little with some anxiety I've been having. I don't quite understand it. I'm not overly stressed, I love what I'm doing, even when I'm bitching I'm still happy (oddly enough). But I get these moments where I can't breath and my heart feels like it's being squeezed. I've lost quite a bit of sleep lately because right before I go to bed is when it's the worst. So weird.
Rehearsals themselves have been quite good. It's been weird working the entire week on a script that has only two people in it. For the first three days, all I really saw were my scene partner KT and the director PB. Not that I'm complaining. We've worked in a way that is very much the style I prefer. On your feet, discover as you go, stop when there's questions and repeat. PB is great in that I feel like he has an opinion and knows how to articulate it, but he also wants us to think for ourselves. I think he knows that in order for us to be good, we must connect the dots in our heads to justify our actions. I sometimes have to catch myself from being too opinionated though. Must always remember, director is in charge.
I've missed the rest of the group though. It's been so odd not having lunches with them in the cafe and not knowing what is going on in each other's lives.
On Monday, however, I did go to the Playwright's studio's Stage-to-Page night. One of our cohort, RM, submitted a piece of his work that he wrote and it was being workshopped. Now I've voiced my opinion enough on how disappointed I was in how that workshop was run so I won't bother getting riled up again.
But I will tell you a little about RM.
RM is a talented young actor/writer. He understands comedy, subtlety, and metaphor. And I'll be happy if I get to be apart of anything he produces in the future.
That being said, he has this awesome podcast (shameless plug) that he posts on Sundays. On Wednesday I had the pleasure of recording a monologue for him for the next installment. He's always got something going on in that head of his. He's got great taste in music, can find the funniest stuff on youtube, and best yet, he has the silveriest (not a word, but I made it into one) voice. In the first few weeks when we did our intro to voice class and he recited some shakespearean text at full voice...yeah...all the girls in the class melted. Like, literally. I'll admit I don't know him very well yet. We never seem to be put in the same groupings. But from what I gather he's very smart, a little shy, and yet not afraid to harmlessly flirt with anyone. When we went to Loch Lomond together with MM, he had such an appreciation for beauty and a sweet curiosity that made the day easy and relaxed. And there was one day when I felt the absolute worst about myself, and he managed to put it all in perspective with a simple email. What was pear-shaped turned right again because of his honesty.
I enjoy watching his acting, as well; it's that subtelty again. If you watch him closely, he'll break your heart. Even while he makes you laugh. I hope I get to work with him more.
Back to the project and script we've been working on. Tomorrow is another performance day. I'll admit I'm more nervous for this one than I've been for any of the others. It's not about the content anymore. Somewhere along the week I became completely comfortable with that. Now it's the lines. I've always had high standards for myself. Even when someone says "oh, no. Don't worry about it too much." or "Just call line." I never want to. Because I know it takes everyone and myself out of it for a moment. There's just something so great about being able to REALLY know a scene and drive it. I'm not as confident with this one. And I want badly for the writers and the directors (including the ones from the renaissance auditions who will be watching) to see what I can do. And that's dangerous. The minute you start worrying about anything other than your scene partner, you're effed. I think that's the toughest thing I've ever had to learn and still fight. It's so easy to go in there and think about your lines, your blocking, your appearance, what everyone else thinks. But that's just selfish and worthless. It's not about me. It's about KT in this instance. It's about what I give him and what he gives me. Give. Receive. Action. Reaction. I find that as long as I focus on that, I will be generous. And I will get the job done.
Wish me luck. Or if nothing else, pray that I am generous, so that I can walk back out of that room knowing that I did my best.
Alright. To bed.
Thinking of you. x
P.s. HOW CAN IT BE DECEMBER ALREADY??????
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