So the renaissance projects are finally over. I still feel nothing. But at least I've had an average of 10 hours a night of sleep so I am finally feeling a little more stable. Thank God. It's a very alarming thing to not trust your own thoughts and feelings. And to walk on eggshells because you are afraid of yourself. But this weekend was a time of disappearing and I revelled in every moment. I'm still not finished, but I'm on my way.
On Sunday I had coffee with KS to decompress. And boy did we ever. It was three hours of getting off our chest everything that we didn't give ourselves time to process over the last few months. The point was to get it out there, release it, and then be able to start fresh. And I felt a helluva lot better once I did. It helps so much to have a friend who you can say the strangest or most pathetic things to, and they don't even flinch. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm lucky to have KS around.
Monday was easy peasy for the most part. I had a mini photo shoot with my On the Verge partner JS for our poster to hang around the school. We spent an hour or so posing in couples' photos with cake smashed on our faces. Me, with a huge over enthusiastic smile. And JS, with facial expressions that spanned from "I wanna kill myself, please don't let me marry this woman" to "I feel like a kicked puppy." I'll post the photo below so you can check it out.
Following that, I had a one on one session with our fearless director PB where we discussed possible music selections. Songs or snippets for me to sing in order to make the character a little more dynamic. As I've said before, the character is a feeling based person who comes from the element of water (see very early blog posts for explanations). And most songs are written from a feeling center. So it fits. Freaks me out. But it fits. And I have missed singing. This will be a good challenge. And something so far away from what I've been doing the past few months that I just know it's going to be good for me. Which is where ABBA comes in. The songs we are looking at are the cheesiest wedding songs on the face of the planet. Taking the piss out of a few but then possibly taking one horrible one, and revamping it to sound good and heart felt. I suppose these songs worked at one point for a reason. So I'm going to try to make them work again.
I'll admit I don't know this character yet and haven't a clue as to what she will become. But after observing a few people in the last day or so, I'm getting some ideas.
Yesterday was another one on one with the director and we discussed the root of what this character believes when it comes to marriage. Her first wedding she ever went to and how she believes that marriage is a given. Which is a huge stretch for me because I absolutely Don't believe it is. In the polite words of PB, "well, that's why they call it acting, babes." lol. Yes. Too true. So it's time to talk to some friends that I know who think like that. I remember growing up and thinking, "well, yes. You grow up, get old, get married, have two kids (a boy and a girl), a good job, and then you're 30." ...right. I've got the first and the last. I'm still working on the middle. I don't mind all that much. But the point is, I don't think it is a Given. That marriage is inevitable. And certainly not that marriage will make things all better. That it's just another step towards bigger happiness. Not that it can't be. But I think the odds are against you.
Right. So. All I have to do is some rewiring of my beliefs. Piece of wedding cake. Could be good for me. Reliving a time when I believed in unicorns and that Mt. Rainier was white because it was covered in frosting. No problem.
Today was a surprise day off. I thought to myself, I said, "Self, you know you want to sleep as long as you can and then read your book and then go back to sleep." Too true. I do. "But you also know that you have two and a half term papers due in less than two weeks." Shh. I can't hear you. "So I guess you better start on those." Ugh. You suck, self.
So that's what I've been doing. And I've made some good progress. I should hopefully have them wrapped up by this weekend. I will, of course, leave the bibliography till the very last moment since I hate doing them and never do them correctly anyway.
Feeling better and moving on. Huzzah.
x
No comments:
Post a Comment