Acting vs Lying

Some people believe that Acting IS Lying. In my view this is incorrect. I'm an awful liar. Abismal, really. Which is why I rarely do it. I find telling the truth is another way to show respect for someone. They are worth that, whether it brings pleasure or pain. This has been my view more and more so as I delve into both my professional and personal relationships. Unfortunately, it will make my road- to my version of success- much more bumpy and much much longer, and it makes my personal relationships...delicate. I forget sometimes that truth is not always what people want or need to hear. And some truths (as I have said previously) don't need to be said.

Acting, to me, is living truthfully in an imaginary circumstance. (thank you, Sanford Meisner)

Lying, is telling falsehoods in real life.

One is entertaining and at times inspiring.

The other is hurtful and weak. And often selfish. We lie because we are ashamed, because we wish to be liked, because we don't want to be in trouble, or because we want something from someone and will tell them anything they want to hear to get it.

The last one is the one that is staring me in the face presently.

In four and a half weeks time I will finish my Masters programme. I will turn in three term papers that are summative statements of what the last term brought to my life. It is SUPPOSED to be a personal reflective statement that tells of what you learned and how you wish to apply said lessons to your future career. To me, this means I should be honest about good and bad things.

I have recently discovered that what the school REALLY wants me to write is how I was flawed and how the school brought solutions that blew my mind and revolutionized my methods and that I am better because of them. ...So basically, lie through my pearly whites.

This term has been a learning experience, sure. In what NOT to do as an established educational institution. Whatever I learned this term I taught myself, or my director enlightened me, or my cast. It was not bestowed upon me by any tutors, head of departments, technical staff, or administration. In fact, these very people, these "supervisors" were the very beings that made my life (and the entire cohort's) more difficult. The list would be endless when it comes to their inefficiency, neglect, ineptitude, and down right uselessness. And I am supposed to thank them? I think not, sir.

But tell me. Would you lie to get good grades? I will no doubt pass the module by completing the papers. People have done much worse than tell the truth and they still are flying through this course. Do not get me wrong, there are individuals here who have worked their hind-ends off, carrying more than their share of work to make up for the failures of those that are supposed to take care of us. But it seems to go unnoticed.

And I'd like to take this opportunity to also thank every techie I've worked with or who had been on my crew in the past. Until now I thought I'd appreciated you. I was wrong. After this tech week, you are gods. And the next time I see you I'm going to show you an embarrassing amount of affection because had you been here you would have wept for us, removed the excess nonsense that we call our crew, and put up the damn show in 30 minutes including smoke breaks. (That may be a slight exaggeration but you get the idea).

Anyway. Back to the problem at hand. Do I try to convince myself that these papers are an "Acting Exercise" and make them the greatest pieces of fiction you've never seen? Or do I do what I always do and right the paper as it was meant to be written, respectfully but the God's honest truth? Do I go for the grades and the pat on the head while I attempt to swallow my integrity without choking?  Do I just shut the hell up, give them what they want, compromise because really it isn't that big of a deal? 

me1: It's the principle of the thing...

me2: Yeah, but you know where that gets you?

me1: No.

me2: It gets you nowhere. It gets you two steps behind everyone else. But hey you still got your principles.

me1: Wouldn't it be worse to get where you wanna get, then look in the mirror and not like what you see?

me2: You know how to avoid that?

me1: No, what?

me2: Don't own a mirror.

Seriously though. How much does it really matter? Sure voicing my opinion may help future masters students, but that's assuming they actually hear anything I say. Because really, more times then not, if I've ever mentioned a hint of displeasure, it would then be implied that the problem was of my own making or perhaps I didn't understand something. Listen here mate, I may talk funny but we speak the same language.

So tis a dilemma. And I'll probably just try to find a happy medium between both. As I've said before, no one will give two shits to Sunday about the papers I wrote in college. This is a profession of results and the immediacy of what you can give them. And I got a lot to give. But whatever talent I may have is severely intertwined with whatever honesty I have. I've learned (hey! I DID learn something from them!) that I can't have one without the other. I'm just no good otherwise. It's who I am.

Before any of you worry whether or not any of said supervisors will read any of this, let me remind you that they wouldn't be bothered to look. That aside, I've no qualms in what I've written. Why? Because it's the truth.