I've joined a gym. I know. They must be eating popsicles in hell. But it's true. When we got back to Glasgow on Saturday it was the biggest emotional drop off. I hibernated, saw a movie, and did nothing else. I haven't even unpacked yet. And I slept. A lot.
But then I started realizing that there were too many hours in the day. What do you mean we don't have a schedule that spans 12 hours a day? What do you mean we don't have to walk an hour to and from school? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE A DAY OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WEEK?! gahhhhhhhh! What the hell am I supposed to do with myself?
So. I joined a gym. And I've been running at least 3km each time I go. Like, actually running. It shocks those of you that know me to be a skipper, a frolicker, a meanderer, or even a pansy-asser (as my mother used to call me. "Stacy Lynn, stop pansy assing around and skeedaddle.") But now I run. And it sucks. But it also feels reeeeeeally good. I'm going a minimum of three times a week, I've decided. And I've got KS to go with me to hold me accountable. KS is pure joy and I'm thankful that we have each other to make each other laugh.
I've never been a fan of January or February. I was so excited to be so busy this January that it just flew by. But Feb, with such a scant schedule...I find will be a bit of a downer. It's not just that it's always cold. But bad things have always happened in feb: breakups, lonely v-days, deaths, fights, or even little things like forgetting something important or tripping over my own feet. It's just a lonely month. On the bright side, it's already a quarter over.
Until the end however, I'm keeping my head down but eyes open for the literal and metaphorical puddles everywhere.
The drop in schedule itself is dangerous for me. Time alone is good to recharge. But too much time alone gives way to too much thinking about oneself-and the things that are missing.
It annoys me a bit to come back to Scotland and find that we only are in class for sometimes two to four hours a day for next week. What? Have you ran out of things to teach me already? I dont understand. $30000 USD should buy me at least full days of classes.
I know what you are thinking, "you are complaining about having no class?" well...yes I am. This is the last time I will ever be able to concentrate my FULL attention on acting. After this it will be divided with survival jobs and the outside world. So I want to milk this school for everything that it's worth. That way, I have a ginormous arsenal of tools to help me make a go of this career. So, when I think that I'm going to spend the next ten years paying back for this one year- to which I'll be 40years old by then- then you're damn right I want them to fill these days with something useful. It would be a different story if I had all the money in the world. I'd use these days off to travel and bounce around Europe, then pop back to pick up my diploma before getting deported back to the US. But, alas, I dont. So. I've decided that if they are having trouble with ideas of how to spend my days, I'll have to decide for them. I'll watch rehearsals when I'm not being used, I'll ask for more yoga classes and workshops, and when nothing works there, my ass will be at the gym or at some other theatre. I refuse to go back to wherever i'm going to after this as the same person, and I REFUSE to lose my self worth again. Period.
Rant over.
As for this weeks work, we've spent time once again with Rona Munro for our new works playwrights piece. She came bearing a first draft of cool little show. The casting, I think, was perfect. And she integrated a lot of the improv we did last fall. This week has been full of read throughs and a bit more character work, but also a lot of table discussion on what's missing, what isn't understood, and character relationships. It's fascinating to be able to speak with the writer right there in front of you. And Rona is truly lovely. Her mind is open, her ego is set aside, and she just wants to watch us play. And, she's just a little bit magic. She goes away again for a few months after Friday, to write a more complete draft. But I find it encouraging to see where she is going with this.
Well, that's all right now. I suppose I should unpack or something...oh! Look. Something shiny! [walks in other direction from luggage].
Thinking of you x
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