Well, my face is healed and the bruises have now become like a rainbow of sickly colors. And I'm feeling good. Been back to the gym, sleeping better, and caught myself smiling while walking to the grocery store today.
Thursday was the normal warm up that included four square and a sort of dodgeball. I hadn't realized how much I've missed serving a volleyball until that morning. May have frightened a few of our more delicate people in the group, but it felt good to really smack the crap out of something. I've never been one for sports. Or at least I never excelled at any. I am a master at half-assing. I have tried every sport or instrument or hobby known to man. So I can fake most things or be quite mediocre but still participate at most things. But volleyball...that was one of those things that I was pretty good at. Too short to really block or spike, but my serve could decapitate an opponent. Anyway.
The day's work was not a good one for me. I felt lost as to who I was playing, what I was supposed to be doing, and whether to pipe up and fade back. I hate being lost. We did a complete run through of the show on its feet (mind you this was our third real day of rehearsal and we had only read through the play once). The purpose was for the set designer to get ideas of spacing and plot, but also for us to stumble through the big amoeba-like mess to find where we were going to have issues or questions.
We worked on a few Viewpoints exercises after that. And then I became incredibly frustrated when we, as a group, attempted to identify the main "events" or "actions" of the play. It took us a couple hours to get through act I. Each of us speaking our own language. example:
Me: I think we should call this event, "Cardinal denies Bosola his reward."
Director: Well...that sounds like a shit movie. How about "Cardinal refuses Bosola his reward."
Right. sooooooooooooo much better. I gained better perspective though after talking to KS. I realized that I've been averaging one crap day out of like 30. That's pretty damn good. Especially considering that I used to wish for one good day out of 30 days of crap. So I'd say I've been quite spoiled, I need to allow the crap day to happen, not fight it, and be damn grateful for the life I have right now. And I am.
Thursday night was supposed to be fencing. I could lie and say I was too sore...but really I was too lazy. I mean, yes. Maybe it would be a bad idea to go and get more bruises. But really I just wanted to go to the pub with some friends, have a beer and share a rather large chocolate sundae. So I did. I have thus spent the last two days and will spend the next two days at the gym as compromise. That sundae was so worth it.
Friday was a much better day. Warm up, four square, dodgeball. Followed by more identification of events. But this time we were split in two and given only 15minutes per act. This forced us to shut the heck up and make decisions. And though we may have missed some things and it was a bit sloppy, it was so much better to get things done.
One thing I've noticed from this experience is that I've got more pride than Mufasa. And it's going to get in the way. It hasn't really been an issue up till now. But I'm working with a part that is ambiguous and with a director who likes to feel his way instead of make definitive immediate choices. I need to trust him. And expect to get a few metaphorical bruises in the meantime. Because this way of working is a group mentality, it's creative, and if I let it, it's going to be challenging and fun.
The sort of part I have is a supporting role. Which means I need to support. Not lead. We did an exercise where the leader puts her arm out and the follower has to keep her face about a foot from the leader's hand at all times. As the leaders moves the hand around, the follower tilts, moves, slides, crouches, but always keeps that footlong distance. We focused on the positions that felt the least comfortable. Some of us felt more at ease as leaders, some as followers. I now had to follow. I don't mind following. But it isn't something that comes easy. It requires trust and a relaxation that you won't really mind where you end up in the end. And it's not that I always WANT to lead. In fact, I wish I didn't have that urge so often. I'm just used to it. I think it comes from being alone for so long and making my own decisions for the past ten years. If you are used to going A-B-C and then someone suddenly tells you to go C-B-A...oh whatever. I just need more practice following. And to just shut up and listen to someone else for longer than two seconds. So. What I mean to say is, this project is going to be good for me. Because I'm going to have to follow, often blindly, a director who has a plan but not a map. He has full faith that he'll find the answers...but he doesn't know how he's going to get them. Not how I work. But it's how I'm going to learn. My pride gets nicked when I feel belittled, useless, or unwanted. I feel none of these things right now. But I have to watch myself that I don't forget that it is my job to engage, play, cooperate, and (believe it or not) get things wrong.
So, Mufasa? Shut it.
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