The 168 Hour Day.

So I was thinking today, while I was waiting for rehearsal to start, that it had been a day or two since I wrote on this blog.  Then I realized, oh. no.  It's been six days.  I've lost track of time because all the days have run together.  It feels like all one day...that just happens to be 168hours long.

Tomorrow is our showing (the tutors don't want to call it a "performance" for fear that if it sucks, they might have to answer for their part in it) of The Cherry Orchard.  It could not come soon enough.

The majority of the cohort look like either walking zombies, or grumbling children (myself included).  We've been through a lot.  And now, we've all collectively come to the conclusion that we're done. 

After last Friday's emotional massacre (see last blog for details), we all took the weekend to hibernate and decompress.  And for the most part, we were revived a bit.  But it had already taken it's toll.  You could feel the irritation or lack of interest when it came to our long exercises.  No one wants to play with the tennis ball any longer (see previous blog).  Or if they do,  it's only a tennis ball.  No longer an object of deep emotion or value.  We all still do our job.  And we do it well.  The scenes are shaping up and we are professional and technical.  But we're just tired.  Mentally, physically, spiritually. 

Speaking for myself, I bounce back and forth from wanting to scream and throw things, to passivity, to minor irritation, or inappropriate giggling.  The latter of which I prefer.  I get this method.  I feel I may actually get this character now, too.  That being said,  this method is not something that should EVER be shoved into two weeks.  This type of emotional bender that we are directed to go on is not something that should be done with 21 people all at once with only two tutors to supervise.  It's unsafe and at times cruel.  And I don't approve of blending the line between actor and role.  Because when we are on this crash course, it's harder to just "let go" of it afterwards.  So if in an exercise, someone hurts you, or loves you, or avoids you, or smothers you...you then take that with you sometimes.  I've had to force myself a couple of times to talk to people that, after an exercise, they made me shy away from them or they made me nervous.  I don't like it.

But I've done a pretty good job.  I've let go of almost all the residual emotions.  I've grown closer to a couple of people which is wonderful.  And after a little chat with one of my tutors today, I know that they are pleased with what I'm putting forth.  So.  Ok.  I'll take it.  I am feeling stronger than I have in a very long time.  I just need to stop being so damn sensitive all the time.  In the end,  it's just acting.  Not nuclear physics.  It's not WHO I am.  It's what I do.  And there's a big difference.