I woke up today and already knew....uh oh. I am not in the mood to play today. There are just somedays that for no reason at all you look at the world outside and say, "Bugger off." And today was one of them. It poured down cold rain the entire day and most of the class hung their pants and socks and jackets from whatever radiator or wall tack that was available.
My lower back has been spasming over the past week and today was going to be rough. I knew from the little nugget of resistance inside my chest that was having a tantrum like a three year old, "I DONT WANNA PLAY TODAY!" But more on today later.
This weekend was both relaxing and fun. Friday's class involved a six hour lecture with Nicola McCartney, a playwright and director who has ties with the National Theatre of Scotland. The theme was about how we collaborate/speak to/ask questions/find the boundaries with a Writer on a new project. This being needed since we will soon start the process of working with our three playwrights who will write our pieces that we will tour around the UK. The whole day was surprisingly useful to me. Part of it involved all of us taking fifteen minutes to write a scene of our own, then having two of our fellow cohort act it out (without any direction or coaching). This helped us to understand what a playwright goes through when they hand over a part of themselves.
Beautifully, we found that the majority of our cohort can write some really compelling and talented stuff. We then deconstructed and worked on pieces of Nicola's. The biggest theme being, you MUST use all punctuation as written, especially ellipses. Because pauses are like actions with no words. And by omitting them, you are rewriting the play which is insulting to the playwright and not telling the story. We could then give feedback to Nicola so that she could make her own edits.
By this time in the night, I had completely lost my voice and had a booming headache. The girls in the course were going on a "man-hunt" but I had to bail from the clubbing and go and sleep it off. However, I did make it to Joanna's birthday party at the Hillhead Bookclub. This place is even livelier during the night. You can buy a huge drink called the Gramaphone in which it is served in a punch bowl in a real gramaphone. ...by the end of the night, there were three on the table. Lo also saw a pink icy drink that some scottish girls were drinking and asked them what it was. In their accents, it sounded like they said "Mickey Toe" but actually it was MOJITO. yeah. We're still learning.
Now in reference to the first part of the title of this blog, before the birthday party Lo and I went to see part of a play called "Days of Wine and Roses" at the Tron Theatre. I say part because we were running late for the birthday party and it wasn't really stellar anyway so we bounced out at intermission,. (p.s. did you know that they sell ice cream at intermission here? and you can drink your wine in your seats while watching the show)
Anyway, after the show, Lo was hungry and we crossed the street to a fish and chips place. Now fish and chips places are everywhere, and I have to be careful because I could get used to eating that fried goodness all the time. But we went and one of the workers there (a middle eastern man) kept staring at me the whole time. Finally he sauntered over and asked our names and where we were from. (Stacy's inner monologue: ok mister creeper man, i'll tolerate you.)
Middle Eastern Man: You live around here?
Stacy: Around.
MEM: You have a boyfriend?
Stacy: (shit). Yup.
Now friends, you know damn well that's a big fat lie. But this is what we call "ACTING."
MEM: I want to friends with you. I like the way you look. I want to be friends with you.
Stacy: (not on your life pal. and I highly doubt "friends" is what you're looking for.) ::laugh awkwardly::
MEM: Your boyfriend from here? He live in America?
Stacy: (think faster Stacy.) No. He's English.
MEM: Oh. England.
Stacy: Yes.
MEM: OK.
Stacy: Yup.
MEM: I still want friends with you.
Stacy: (listen scumbag, don't make me sic my imaginary boyf on you.) Right. Lo, you done eating?
Lo: Yup. (this whole time she's kept a straight face and played along with non-existant boyf)
We go.
Though had I been thinking more quickly, I should have gotten free fish and chips...
As for Sunday, I spent the entire day watching silly romantic period dramas on the BBC. Yes. I'm that sad. :)
So, back to my day today and the ROAD BLOCK. 930-1pm consisted of a warm up and a read through of The Theban Plays. I was cast in the other "Pool (no water)" but we still joined in on it. We then dissected the themes that we found from it and what visual pictures we may be able to use in the production itself. After lunch we split in half and my half went into Voice class with Lorna.
We did more butt jiggling. (see earlier blog for detail)
Then we took our text and selected six lines that were our favorite. From that we'd use the power of consonants and vowels to magnify certain words and sounds. We worked on how the sounds can move into your body. Which basically ends up in ten people bouncing around the room OOHing and AHHing and making baby or monkey sounds and hissing like snakes. Don't get me wrong. I get it. By making such sounds clear and putting emphasis on particular things, it can change an entire speech as well as it's emotional impact. That being said, when I'm in a mood, the last thing I want to be doing is flailing my arms like a ninny and moo-ing like a bloody cow.
I give myself a minute. I acknowledge the restrictions my closed mind is putting on my body. I note that I've shut down and am beginning to sulk. I realize I am living in my head. But at that time, in that space, sometimes you just have to say FUCK IT. This is where I am today.
However, when you are doing 8 shows a week in a large theatre, you will not be able to tell stage managers and directors to sit and rotate. So you must push through. I tried. I assure you, it was not my best work. This was the first day that I felt like the old actor I used to be. Completely limited and reserved. And that just pissed me off more. Which then causes you to tense up more. Which then makes you perform even worse than before. Haven't quite found out how to untie the knot once it's tangled, yet.
But I do know that when I am frustrated, I have to allow myself to be frustrated. And remember that that's part of the growth. ....it just sucks.
We did this one exercise where you take your text and have a lead reader. Then three other members will chime in with sounds that they hear and kind of chant or evolve the sound while you proceed.
Example- TEXT: Is this a dagger which I see before me?
Sounds Like (the sounds in the parentheses are what the other members are chanting):
Is (zzzz) this(sssssss) a DAggerrrrr which(ch-ch-ch) I (ssss)see before me(eee)?
This is basically what a greek chorus is and what we'll be dealing with. And what makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I understand realism. This, well, this is a different way of thinking. One that I hope to learn....or at least be able to contribute to. It is a form that you cant intellectualize too much. Unfortunately my group consisted of four over thinkers (myself included). So while the other groups were hurling themselves around the room screaming like banshees, we were sitting in a circle doing our best to make noises. At one point we couldnt even hear each other with the ruckus in the room. The teacher apparently noticed our frustration and came over and basically said "these are the given circumstances. You must work around the noise. Don't try to talk over them. Work within them." ....what? I'm sorry. I CANT HEAR YOU!!!! What kind of a;sodfjaoerifm advice is that??? I don't know why it irked me so badly. I don't know why I had the worst urge to tear this woman a new one. And I'm still trying to pin it down. And this is what I've come up with.
Reasons Stacy Internally Turned into the Incredible Hulk----
1. woke up on the wrong side of bed
2. soaked socks all day long
3. hate to not understand or be bad at things right off
4. hate not being given good work conditions
5. hate having time constraints
6. hate being in pain and feeling stiff
7. feel helpless when other group members shut down and therefore give nothing.
8. feel angry when people say to "just deal with it". It demeans my problems and makes me feel small and stupid.
9. am disappointed I ate that brownie for lunch and am now eating icecream.
10. Have low patience when people talk just to say something or do not formulate their opinions before speaking. (yes, I do realize this makes me intolerant and ugly. patience, stacy. patience.)
11. am wishing I were an even tempered lass who was soft spoken and went with the flow because maybe then I wouldnt have a problem with being an arm flailing ninny who bounces around the room making monkey sounds. but know very damn well that's not in my genetic make up.
We must identify why things go awry. Because then we can break down the barriers that stop us from achieving our goal. And we can get out of our own way. And when we can't do that? (because somedays we just fail.) We buy chocolate icecream and shortbread cookies and eat them. And then we try again tomorrow. Hopefully with an open heart and an open mind.
But for now, I'm eating ice cream.
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