FOR THOSE OF YOU READING, I WILL WARN YOU THAT THIS ONE DEALS WITH A LOT OF ACTOR JARGON. AND IT'S EPIC. YOU MAY WANT TO CHECK BACK FOR FUTURE MORE HUMOROUS POSTS. BUT IF YOU ARE CURIOUS AS TO WHAT I AM LEARNING AS WELL AS WHAT I DO, READ ON.
I'm exhausted. My body hurts everywhere. My brain can barely function. And I don't think I've been this content in a long time.
Glaswegian Radio this evening was La Vie en Rose on the accordion on the walk home, Beethoven on the electric guitar, followed by a girl somewhere down the hall practicing the harp. Very calming.
Yesterday was a massive learning day. It began with a four hour Nadine George technique voice class. Our teacher, Ros Steen is a goddess. She's an older english woman with what looks like the onset of arthritis. She's sharp as a ticonderoga and has a mini tantrum everytime you talk out of turn. These four hours were revolutionary. The warm up itself lasted an hour. We had a partner, one laying on the ground, the other performing all sorts of things on that person. From rubbing, massaging, leg lifting and shaking, correcting your alignment, and yes, butt jiggling. Believe it or not, once you get past the fact that you just met this person and their hands are pushing your ass back and forth, the exercise is quite fantastic. On the exhale you sigh out strongly, keeping your jaw open while your partner jiggles your bum back and forth causing the air you are exhaling from your mouth to release deeper. It releases a lot of tension. Most of us, especially women, don't realize how much tension we hold in our hips and upper buttocks. But it's just another one of those weird actor things that you step back and go, yup, I just did that. "Hello, my name is Stacy, and I'll be jiggling your butt today."
There was also an exercise where you walk around breathing in deeply through the nose, out through the mouth with jaw dropped about two inches, and soft focus (using peripheral) in your eyes. When Ros signaled, you'd stop, find a partner, and wrap your arms around them so you could feel their backs and then you breathe in sync. It was the most comforting thing. Now, as most of you know, I'm not a touchy feely kind of person. But there's something to be said for the instant connection and bond you build by being in tune with someone. Even a stranger. And seeing how we are all going through this intense experience together, it was nice to jump start that connection. Cause Lord knows, if left to my devices, it would be next July and I'd still not be at the hugging stage. Would be lucky if I'm at the fist bumping stage.
Finally we had our One-on-One coaching in front of the class. I popped up first. I've been doing that a lot lately. If it scares me, don't think about it. Just do. The coaching was discover the four voices that all of us have. The high female (something your voice does in times of wonder or timidity), the low female (the sensual tone), the high male (I find this the most comfortable. It sit in the chest and is a nice clean sound), and then the low male (the one the reverberates the deep and low inside you. holds most of the power). On the sound AW, mouth open wide, you take a breath, and in your low male voice, you intone the Middle C note from the piano. Don't sing it. Then you keep that tone all the way until you literally run out of air. I don't mean when you stop making a pretty sound, or when you get bored hearing your self. But until you gurgle, choke, or wheeze out the last of the sound. I found that emotions are connected to that much free sound. The others that followed me did as well. Some were on the verge of tears afterwards because we never have let out that much from our bodies. The last of the sound is like the repressed emotion that you always held back because society, your parents, your teachers, the bully at school, or even yourself told you that it was bad and unattractive. That release doubled the size of some peoples' voices. And it brought color to other wise monotone sounds. You end the intone by then speaking a line of text in that guttural newfound power. "IS THIS A DAGGER WHICH I SEEEEEE BEFORRRRRE MEEEEEEE". The result, absolute chills.
The next class went until 9pm. And it was the most frustrating experience. Not in the content, but in the delivery. The class was an intro to Stanislavsky and our Realism project which will be Chekhov's The Cherry Orchard. I have no problem with Stan the Man or his views. He even says in the text book that you can take what you will and toss out the rest. That being said, the two professors teaching the class came in totally unprepared, disagreed with each the entire time, and damned the very text that they made me go out and pay $40 bucks for. I'm a linear thinker. Give me an outline and bullet points and THEN deviate from the plan. But this was just a bunch of esoteric spouting in which I was more confused than educated. But I will say that I did learn something from the text on my own. Stan discusses the difference between Experiencing Actors and Representation Actors. Experiencing is just that. Experiencing fully and in the present at all times through both the rehearsal and performance process. Representation acting is experiencing during rehearsal and then putting it into muscle memory and then in performance you act without experience. Confused yet? Basically it's like this. You are in a play where your parents die and you grieve on stage. If you are Experiencing, you experience that grief every time at every performance. In representation, you experience grief in rehearsal, pay attention to what that does to your body, your face, your eyes, etc. Then rehearse it enough that it becomes muscle memory. So when at performances, you can appear to be grieving, the audience sees you grieve, but you are not actually feeling anything. Both are considered artforms. However, representation is missing that "it" factor. That thing that makes you lose breath in a scene when watching, or the thing that moves you to tears. It's still excellent acting, but Stan describes it as a bit cold though highly polished.
Why am I bothering telling you all this? Well, because I've realized what type of actor I am, and what I wonder if I can be. Most actors use a bit of both. And personally, I think to be an experiencing actor at all times is a bit dangerous. Regardless, I am a Representational actor. And that sucks. I don't want to be cold and just polished. But how on earth do you learn to experience. It's like telling someone how to feel. (Though Stan says feelings have nothing to do with it). I don't know. I just figured that feeling and experiencing were always connected.
Moving on.
Today was a playdate with the MA Musical theatre students. We played theatre games and got to know them. One particular game was when we made a huge map of the earth and the teacher asked us to stand in a place where we'd like to end up, an aspiration. It took me a minute. Everyone else immediately moved to which ever country they thought of. But I kind of wandered somewhere around the Atlantic Ocean area, unsure. The truth is, I have absolutely no idea where I want to go or be. I still feel like I havent found my "home" yet. Or havent made one. So in the end, I put one foot on NYC and one foot on London. Because isn't that the ultimate dream? To be a WORKING actor and be bi coastal? Or tricoastal for that matter. I'd love to just bounce from east/west coast to europe. why not?
Lunch break is when I went out with a few of my cohort for my first fish and chips experience. So. Good. But ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what a bad idea to do before a four hour movement class. And the class started out with sprints around the room and galloping sideways like a NFL football player. By the end, I knew that I had to join a gym. Because this is ridiculous. It was shear bullheaded stubborness that prevented me from sitting my perfectly jiggled bum on the floor and taking a nap.
We continued the aforementioned bamboo stick exercise but with 3, 5, and 6 people this time. We did our basic balance warmups. And we revisited and mimicked the walk of people we had observed on the street.
The majority of the lesson though was based on the 7 styles of tension. (how we hold our bodies)
1. super relaxed (which sort of resembles a person in the desert, dragging himself towards an oasis). When I had mono back in 2001, I hadnt gotten out of bed for close to 15 days. After that time your body loses connection and muscle and doesnt want to listen to your mind. That's kind of what it is. You heavily try to lift yourself off the ground, flopping back down when you can't sustain yourself.
2. relaxed. (basically like walking around after a massage. or after toking up. the movement is slow and fluid, but supported.)
3. economic. Moving with purpose. Going somewhere to get there. Doing what needs to be done, then moving on.
4. discovery. A sort of hesitant movement. Like a dog that sniffs at a new dog. Approach, back off, circle round.
5. I forget what Mark called this one. But basically it like a higher energy more manic way of getting things done. Like how you clean your house when your in-laws are coming over.
6. Commedia. this can be anger or joy. Its how you hold your body in those mind sets.
7. Hypertension. It's when you brace every muscle you have as tight as you can, curling in on yourself, shaking from the effort, practically becoming immobile. It's a movement of high stress and panic.
Listen. I know I've probably just bored you to tears, but I'm really loving this stuff. It is so useful in building a character and writing it down like this is a grounding thing for me. When I act, I want you to believe me. I want you to be moved and experience. And each of these lessons is just another layer of that onion that's been peeled. It's only my first week and I feel not only that I'm learning, but that I am pretty good at this so far. Which is a reassurance I deeply need. I hope I can sustain this level of understanding when we finally begin working on actual plays and developing characters.
Now that I'm here and I've begun to want things again, I realize...I want this. And I want it bad. There. I said it.
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