Yeah, you heard me. I said whore-ing. For those of you who experienced most of my AMDA days in which I sang mostly prostitute songs, you'll be overjoyed to hear that once again, I'll be reprising the role of harlot. As you know, our cohort has been divided in two; one to Duchess of Malfi and one to Measure for Measure. However, some side characters are needed as fillers in order to help build atmosphere. Measure for Measure needed some loose women. I'm so glad I could come to the rescue and provide my talents.
So this morning, at 9am, we joined their rehearsal for some provocative dancing, catwalk walking, lap dances, and crawling around on all fours (that was not required, but I improvised...). Certainly makes me wonder what normal people do on their Tuesday mornings. I was actually quite proud of how I committed to it. Even went after a couple of the girls. Lol. And I think I certainly made a couple of the boys' days.
Following that, I went back into rehearsal with the Duchess crowd. Another afternoon of mind numbing text dissection. But we got to the portion of the text where I run the insane asylum and taunt the Duchess. I had not formed any idea of how I was to play this character but as we've gone along, the director kept throwing more and more descriptions at me. "She's become cruel. She's Nurse Ratched." ...ok...so... the role has turned into me being like a ringleader at a circus, only incredibly dark. I've trained these mad people like dogs, rewarding them with treats when they perform well, and punishing them when they don't. Only the rewards are sickening and the punishments are severe beatings. I literally beat one of the characters on stage. Pete (director) wants it to be the sort where you get quite uncomfortable with the violence of it. ...ok. In some ways it will be challenging and fun to choreograph the "show" I put on with them. But in some ways disturbing. To have to look at these people as if they are science projects and lab rats. To look at patients as if they are amusing objects to make dance at the clap of the hand. Then again...with my medical past, I know exactly how that feels. So it's just a matter of becoming those that I hated. The false compassion. The excitement in their eyes when they see you as a puzzle they can try to put together. And then discard you when they realize they've lost the last piece.
Another small eentsy teentsy disappointment is I find I'm playing more of the same. Whore and Dominatrix. Power and Cruelty. Vengeance and Aggression. It sometimes makes me wonder if 1. I give that off and that's why I get the parts I get. Or 2. If I can play something softer. Or 3. Do I want to be this way? That's the exhausting thing about being an actor. You constantly have to look at yourself, both inside and out, and evaluate everything you see. Sometimes I wish (and sometimes I do) I could tune it all out, watch a movie, read a book, go to the seaside, spend a whole day in silence, just so I don't have to deal with myself. I think I may schedule a few of those things in for the next break that starts in a week.
After Duchess rehearsal was On the Verge rehearsal. This time it was only director PB, JS, and I for the session. I always seem to go into these session exhausted, but then leave them feeling creative and reenergized. Today we focused on JS and my relationship. We are an engaged couple of two years and in order to build a back story, we did some unexpected improvisations. In one, we each took ten post-its and wrote things we (our characters "Josh" and "Anna"- or "Joshanna" as JS calls them) loved about each other. They could be physical, situational, characteristic, etc. Then we'd hide them around the rooms of our "apartment" for each of us to find. PB then filmed us as we found and read them to ourselves silently. How we reacted and experiencing how that little piece of paper made us feel. For me, it's so important to build that comfort level with someone. But once I do, it's very natural. As AK in our group has found out, I'm not a huge hugger until I trust and love you but then I can be quite affectionate to my friends. Fiercely so because it's based in loyalty. So for me it's just a matter of speeding up that process with JS. We do have excellent banter and basic chemistry when it comes to fun and relaxed which will help out immensely. And the post-its helped to make some things specific. Which is what I think is missing for me.
Our last improv was the most unexpected and yet the most useful for me. PB took us to a pub, bought us diet cokes, and said that we would have to have a date (pretending it was early in our friendship/relationship when things start to turn romantic) in public. For a little over a half an hour, Joshanna had one of their first dates. It's fascinating to see how each of us blurred the lines of reality in our stories and topics. Because there is no script, we base some things on fact and then run with it.
It's a new way of working. Building memories to pull from later. I just keep thinking that this will be good to draw on when we are "fighting" in the performance. If I reference a conversation we had on our "first date," it will be an actual memory which means less work in the actual show. I won't have to keep tabs on all the stuff I make up on the spot because the real memories will already be there.
Either way, this has been my favorite project so far and I am always excited to see where it goes.
Alright. I'm about to fall asleep typing this and have yoga early in the morning. So goodnight, friends.
Thinking of you x
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